HomeTrendingPeople From Around The World Share Satisfying Stories Of Petty Revenge

People From Around The World Share Satisfying Stories Of Petty Revenge

There are many people out there who think they can do whatever they want whenever they want. They treat others as if they’re better than them and sometimes even ruin their lives. They feel no remorse after doing a bad thing and continue creating chaos everywhere they go. 

These Reddit users described how they got their petty vengeance and ensured this person would never hurt anyone again!


1. Drunk Driver

I was eating at a Mexican restaurant with my young cousin, who was autistic. She has a hard time going in public, but I was trying to be nice and take her to eat and go see Dolphin Tale (she loves dolphins, like seriously).

There was a table next to us that was on their 2nd or 3rd pitcher for margaritas, and they were being very loud and crude. It was making my little cousin very noticeably uncomfortable, so I walked over to the table and very politely tried to explain the situation.

Before I could even finish, one of them dumped his water all over my feet and went back to talking like I had never been there. I got all pissed but didn’t fight back. Before I walked back to my table, I noticed that there wasn’t a sober driver in the group. I left my cousin with my sister, stepped outside, and called my friend in town, who is a cop.

I explained the situation to him, told him what they were wearing, and got his help. They left the same time we did, and all piled up in a white SUV with the water-dumping douchebag as the driver (perfect).

As soon as the car moved in reverse, my friend flew around the corner, put his lights on, and asked the driver to step out. DUI and license suspension for the driver, drunk in public for the rest. Maybe not so petty, but super satisfying.



2. I Locked Them Out

Back in college, I was living in a house with three of my friends. One of these friends was a bad roommate. Never cleaned, never chipped in on shared resources (cleaning supplies, etc.), you get the gist.

Well, it became even more unbearable to live with him when he decided to have his girlfriend move in without consulting any of us. She never contributed to rent and also didn’t clean. He gave her his copy of our house key, and she moved in.

Even after attempts of talking to him about it, he didn’t agree with us. We’d ask why they couldn’t spend some time at her place, and he said it was because she lived with her parents on the other side of town.

Our house had 3 floors, and each floor had a door that was unlocked by the house key. The house also had a front door that was always unlocked, that none of us had a key to. Roommate and his girlfriend would always go out at night and come back late. Maybe you can see my petty revenge brewing already.

One night, they went out, and I decided to lock the front door so they couldn’t get back in. In the wee hours of the morning, they tried to come back, but the front door was locked.

After banging on the door, trying to throw rocks at our window, etc., they finally gave up, and he was forced to go back to her place, where he should’ve been all along. Had to get an Uber to go all the way to the other side of town too. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.



3. ‘Gay Lesbian’

When my brother was 9 or 10, we got into a fight where he was calling me a ‘gay lesbian.’ While trying to explain to him that this wasn’t really an insult, he remained quite adamant upon the subject. So I told him he wasn’t one to talk as he doesn’t know if he is gay or not.

Looking at me perplexed, I explained to him that until he hit puberty at age 13, he wouldn’t know where his sexual desires lay and as such, he may very well be gay himself. Being the smart and wise older brother, he totally believed me and spent the next three years under the impression he could turn gay any minute.

It wasn’t until he was actually 13 that he learned I was just messing with his head.



4. Difficult Patient

As a nurse, we had this god-awful patient who made all our lives a living hell. Needed pain meds on the dot, needed to smoke every half hour, sat on the call light all damn day. This person was possibly the rudest human being I’ve ever met. Treated us like slaves and was drug-seeking.

It finally came time for discharge, and this patient decided to come up with a whole bunch of new medical problems. ‘I have chest pain! I have nausea! One side of my body feels numb!’

So, being the very skilled and rational nurse I am, I asked the doctor for a whole new set of orders. First, I asked for lab draws every 3 hrs (meaning needles every three hours) to check cardiac markers. Then I asked that the patient be placed on NPO status (nothing by mouth) for the nausea.

This person couldn’t go an hour without eating something. For the numbness, I requested the patient be placed on strict bedrest for 24 hrs and then have a physical therapy evaluation ordered (which meant no more going downstairs to smoke).

I explained all this to the patient, and he says, ‘I just wanted to stay another night.’ I ain’t doing any of that! I feel fine, just give me my damn papers!’ Talked it over with the doctor on call, and he gave me the all-clear to discharge, and I had him out the door in an hour.



5. Enjoy Having No Utilities! 

The time was 2004. I was 20 and very inexperienced in life. I had moved to Arizona and rushed into a relationship with a guy, moving in together within 2-3 months of meeting.

I made the mistake of telling him I had money (a lump sum I had received from my dad’s VA back benefits). He was always encouraging me to spend it, and I didn’t think anything of it because I loved him. I paid $1,500 to move into our rental (rent, deposit, all utilities). He signed a piece of paper to pay me back half but never did, and I ended up moving back to Washington and just left it all behind me.

After 5 months of living together, he told me he didn’t “want this kind of commitment,” and yes, it was right after I ran out of my money. I couldn’t afford this house on my own, so I was already looking for an apartment, but after a fight, he told me he wanted me out in 2 days.

Alright. You want me out in 2 days? I went to the electrical company, cable company, and gas company and moved or disconnected all services. I gave no heads up and waited. 2 days later, he called and was calling me a b word. He had no hot water, no lights, and no gas for his stove.



6. Merry Christmas!

Many years ago (early 1980’s), I worked for a company that did what I called “mall pestering,” AKA they did market research surveys in a mall and were always stopping people to ask questions.

The company was run by three older women who had started it in their kitchen. They were opinionated and had no care about anything but money. Part of this included paying employees not by the hour but by the survey. Which was against labor rules as it never matched the basic hourly wage.

Christmas came, and we were planning our employee party when one of the owners called and told us that in order to avoid paying bonuses, we were to fire everyone at the party and then hire back the ones that we liked after the new year.

We (the other managers and I) talked about it, and then I called the Federal Bureau of Labor, who had been trying to get the information for the employee pay for several years but had always been turned away. I had them come to the back door and let them into the file room and showed them the boxes.

I then said I had things to do in the front and would be back later and went to the front desk to finish the paperwork I needed. Said paperwork? A blow-up of Santa going down the chimney with “Merry Christmas” typed across it, all of the management resignations, and the Fed-Ex envelope that would hold our keys and said paperwork.

Labor guy finished what he needed to do, we locked up, sent the package, which was timed to arrive at their Christmas party, and walked away. The company ended up spending about 250k in reimbursements and fines for the labor problem.



7. He Deserved It

Several years ago, I lived on the northwest coast of Puerto Rico. It’s a very relaxed area, with tons of good restaurants and lots of green space.

My apartment was on a cliff, not far from the water. The electric infrastructure was a bit old, so when it was rainy season, we’d lose power for a few hours at a time.

Not a big deal – I had a gasoline generator. Enter a new neighbor. He lived two doors down from me and drove an amazing custom Chevy van from the 70s. All it needed was an epic airbrushed Wizard on the side.

Sadly though, that’s where anything good about him ended. I caught him taking the gas out of an orange jug I’d left outside in case the generator ran out. Although I saw him do it and called him out on it, he denied it and played stupid.

So after the second time, I took all of the gas in the jug, filled the generator with it, and put the rest in my car. I then went to the nearest gas station that had diesel and filled it up with diesel.

A few days later, I am woken up by a tow truck backing up to pick up his now disabled van. I looked out the window, and you could see the anger on his face. He moved out the next month, and from what I gathered from talking to people in the community.



8. Don’t Take My Parking Spot

It was a cold winter day. Eight inches of snow had fallen the night before, and the windchill made it feel as if it were in the negatives (Fahrenheit). I drive an all-wheel-drive SUV, so I have no issues getting out.

My wife, on the other hand, drives a Prius, which slides with the smallest amount of moisture on the road. My car was down at the time, so we had to take my wife’s car. I spent 45 minutes in the freezing cold shoveling that car out so we could get to the store.

We were gone for an hour, and when we came back, our neighbor had taken the spot I had shoveled. Our apartment complex doesn’t have assigned parking, but in the winter, it’s understood that if you shovel a spot, it’s yours.

So when I saw his car in the spot I had just shoveled, I was pretty pissed. I went inside and filled two-gallon jugs of water. Went back out and poured them on his windshield. Rinse and repeat.

I must have poured about ten gallons of water on his car. Being how cold it was, it was already freezing by the time I poured the last gallon on. It sat like that overnight.

The next morning, I got to watch as he helplessly tried to scrape all of these layers of ice off his windshield. Don’t take my goddamn parking spot.



9. No More Late Night Gaming Sessions 

My brother, for some reason, HATES using his laptop in his room even though he has a desk. He comes downstairs to sit in the lounge next to my room and games until really late at night with his friends (always talking really loud/yelling into his headset) while I’m trying to work/study/sleep.

He utterly refuses to go to his room when I ask, claiming that he has every right to be there because I “don’t own downstairs.” He is in a competitive gaming clan, often competing in Tribes: Ascend competitions with cash prizes.

I have written a script that turns the internet off for 5 minutes every 10 minutes. Just enough time for him to get into a game and then have his connection drop and then repeat 10 minutes later. All night.



10. I Found A Loophole

I was traveling from Edinburgh to London by train and had a booked window seat with a table. I got on the train to find four guys sitting at the table. The one in my seat (that was clearly marked as booked) refused to move as he was with his friends and the train was packed.

The ticket collector passed, and I asked him to help. He asked the guy to move, but he refused, and somehow that was that. ‘So what now?’ I asked. ‘You can find another seat, but I have no power to move him, only the police can move him, and they will not turn up just to move someone out of a seat.’

There were no seats free in the carriage and probably not many free on the train, so standing to London was a possibility. ‘I’m going to take a seat in first class.’ ‘You can’t sit there, you don’t have a booking.’

‘Well, you could call the police to move me, but apparently, they won’t turn out to move someone out of a seat.’ I had a lovely trip with power for my laptop and a wide comfy seat.



11. Ignore Me? I’ll Ruin Your Lawn

When I was in high school, I had a friend who was a grade higher than me. We lived down the block from each other.

One day at school, I saw him in the hallway and asked him a question about soccer, which we both played. He looked at me and said, “Do I know you?” and walked off. I blew it off, and when I got home went over to his house to talk to him about it. He said, “Sorry, but you are a junior, and I am a Senior. I have standards.”

I hated him for this comment. I spent a good two months hashing out my plan for revenge. I figured out that his mom and dad love their lawn and manicure it every two to three days. I found out about his only child insecurity. He hated lawn work.

One Friday night, I found a Jewish deli that made fresh dough for bagels. They throw out the rest of the dough from the bagels at the end of the night. At midnight, I grabbed a trash bag of this dough and headed to my “friend’s” house.

For the next 5 minutes, I threw little chunks of dough all over his lawn. By the way, this was in the full summer heat in the southern US.

The next day when the sun rose, those little nuggets of dough started to rise like fucking hybrid mushrooms all over his lawn, and they stuck to the lawn like concrete.

His mother and father came out to go to work and were horrified. They blamed their son and his senior classmates for it, and he spent the entire weekend scrapping that dough up.



12. They Underestimated Me

This one is my favorite of all the multi-lingual escapades I’ve had. Years ago, I was running a kitchen for one of those typical Lebanese American-style diners. Seriously, more often than not, it was just me back there. It sucked. But I needed the job.

The owners thought I was going to be easy to screw over. And they’d talk all kinds of crap to each other, apparently not remembering that I had explicitly said I’m proficient in Arabic when they hired me. So I recorded these conversations (my state is single-party consent) that often bled into them trying to make me cover for them on major health-code violations.

Seriously. They expected me to cover for them while they talked crap about me, with me right in front of them. So. I quickly began searching for a new job and continued to document everything. Every single thing.

I had pictures, timestamps, temp logs. All of it. And then they messed with my pay. Everything that I had been gathering as my “just in case” plan became the weapon I needed it to be.

I confronted them about the very obvious wage theft. They denied it. Even in the face of the major discrepancies in hours worked, set wage, and amount withheld in taxes.

That night, I got a call from another place I’d applied to asking if I was still interested in the position. Obviously, I was. Told them I could start in about 3 days. I walked in for my next shift with prints of everything in a file.

Put everything on the table and told him, “You’ve been stealing from me. I have proof of that, and all of this is ready to go to the Health Department, Labor Department, and IRS. Pay me what you owe, and this doesn’t see the light of day. ”

He was very quick to pay me, in cash, the amount that I had recorded missing from my checks, and took the files and started shredding them.

As I turned to leave his office, I turned back around and told him (in Arabic), “I could understand you the whole time, you [bleep].” And I walked out.

Of course, he didn’t have the only copies of those files. When I got home, I sent everything off to the relevant departments. He was shut down about a month later.



13. “You Better Hurry”

While walking to my gate at LAX, I noticed a woman whose dog was in the middle of doing its business. The woman was loudly face-timing with her back to the dog, so I assumed she didn’t notice. That was likely the thought shared by the gentleman who tried to get her attention.

“Excuse me, miss?” he said in a polite tone. The woman glared at him. “Your dog,” he sheepishly continued, pointing to the mid-poop pup. The woman rolled her eyes and went back to face time as the man slinked away, seemingly embarrassed.

“Some people,” she bellowed to her face-time companion with no hint of irony, “are just so rude.” When her dog finished, the woman started walking away, leaving everything right on the airport floor.

Another woman tried to stop her. “You’re not going to clean that up?” she asked, as shocked as the rest of us were. “They have people for that,” the offender replied, disappearing into the crowd.

I stood near the pile and warned people to walk around it while someone else got a maintenance worker’s attention. No one said anything – we were so shocked that anyone could be that horrible. When I got to my gate, the woman was there, too.

Great – we were both going to Tokyo. When I travel abroad, I get embarrassed by other Americans doing things one hundred times less embarrassing than leaving animal dumps on the floor of an airport.

To make it worse, her dog was barking at everyone who walked by. Everyone else tried to ignore her, sitting as far away from her as they could. I am not everyone else.

I sat down right next to the horrible woman. “Are you going to London on business?” I said. “I’m going to Tokyo,” she responded gruffly. “Oh,” I said. “Then you better hurry. That flight got moved to gate 53C. This is the flight to London.”

I figured I could give her a little moment of panic as payback for how terribly she was treating everyone. I didn’t predict what would happen next.

She grabbed her bags and her dog in a huff and stormed out of the gate without even checking. She was so self-involved she didn’t notice that the monitor at our gate still said Tokyo, and almost everyone at the gate was Japanese.

I don’t know if she made it back to this flight before we took off or not, but I didn’t see her board, and I didn’t hear her dog. Whoops. Maybe she can re-book on another airline. I hear they have people for that.



14. Doing What I Want

I have a friend who used to tell me I couldn’t listen to the same music as her because then I was copying her. I started to believe her and stopped myself from enjoying the music I liked because she was somehow entitled to that genre.

Lol. This is incredibly childish, and I’m aware of that now, so I woke up one day and decided not to let this have ANY power over me at all. I posted a photo on my story, showing off that I listen to a band she also likes. She has yet to respond to that story.

I don’t even know if this counts as a form of revenge, but I wanted to post it because I’m proud of myself. I’m no longer going to stop myself from expressing myself the way I want to. So I’m going to do it, regardless of what she thinks about it.



15. Drink My Coffee? Enjoy Gagging On A Vile Cocktail

My routine to get coffee is usually like this: I take my water bottle and fill it up. Get a cup of coffee. I prepare it by adding one spoon of sugar, one shot of black coffee (which is basically an espresso shot), and then a cup full of ‘strong coffee’ setting. Perfect for how I like it.

I bring the coffee and my bottle to my desk and then go off to pee. That way, the sugar dissolves, and the coffee cools a bit too.

I have a colleague who has also become a close friend. He has started this annoying thing of taking a sip from my coffee. He doesn’t like coffee, doesn’t drink it, a tea guy through and through.

When I come back from the washroom, he’ll grin at me and then take a sip. He only does it to annoy me, and it works. Well, today, I put the sugar, put two shots of espresso, and then used the ‘strong tea’ setting on the coffee/tea machine.

Presenting to you a real cocktail from taste hell. I kept the cup of vile liquid on my desk and went to pee. As I come back, my colleague grins at me, picks up the cup, takes a sip, and spews it out. It was glorious. Hopefully, he’s learned his lesson.



16. Bank Account Revenge

I was in a long-term relationship that went south. My ex was a manipulative narcissist who did everything he could to screw me over financially and gaslight me when we split up and moved to our own places. He had an eviction under his name, so our apartment lease and utilities were all under my name.

For the last month we lived together, he pocketed the utility money and didn’t pay the utilities, so when I got my own place, I had to pay off the past due amounts.

Meanwhile, I had removed him as an authorized user from my bank accounts and told him to do the same with his accounts because I didn’t want a single financial link between us remaining.

Coincidentally, I lost my debit card after moving out on my own, and when I went to the bank to get a new one issued, discovered he had not removed my name as an authorized user from his bank account.

He only had about $35 to his name, but I transferred his last $35 to my account and closed his account. All above board and legal. It didn’t begin to cover what he owed me, but when he called to tell me what an awful person I was because he had multiple checks bounced and his direct deposit was in limbo, it made the debt all worth it.



17. Have A Good Night!

Working at Blockbuster, circa 2003. When checking people out, there were two things you’re supposed to do. 1: read the titles of the movies and give the due dates. 2: tell people to have a nice day/night after handing them their movies on the other side of the security gate.

So a guy comes in with his two kids on a busy Friday night. He has a few children’s titles and an adult flick. I ring up the videos and tell him the due dates of the kid movies and say, “The other one is due _____,” trying to save him a little embarrassment.

I walk over to the security gate to hand him the videos where I’m planning on telling him to have a good night, but he’s still at the register.

Confused, I look at him, and he says, “Aren’t you forgetting something?” I think through the Blockbuster process and can’t come up with anything. He has an indignant look on his face and says, “You’re supposed to tell me to have a good night!”

I’m pretty stunned that a grown man is so reliant on the well wishes of an eighteen-year-old, especially since I would’ve given him what he so desperately needed if he’d walked over to the security gate.

So I say, “Sir, I’m so sorry. Have a great night. I hope you enjoy your copy of…” I look down at his VHS tape, then look at everyone behind him in line and raise my voice, “MARRIED PEOPLE, SINGLE!”

He turns bright red, and the lady behind him covers her face. Sorta feel bad for his kids getting caught in the crossfire, but there are always casualties in war.



18. She Deserved It

Went on holiday with a friend and her family when we were in our early teens and had to share the room. It was a hot climate, and since we came from a relatively cold weather, we found the heat unbearable.

Friend called dibs on the bed by the air con, then proceeds to take complete control of it. The room was a sauna, and obviously, I couldn’t sleep, but she refused to turn up the AC because since she was right next to it, she would get cold.

By the third night in, after refusing my request to swap beds, I am beyond irritable due to sleep deprivation, and she’s inadvertently mocking me by sleeping soundly next to the barely functioning AC. So I turned it up full pelt while she was snoring away and had the best night’s sleep thereafter.

Woke up before her and turned it back down, so when she finally woke with a sore throat and the sniffles, she agreed to swap beds with me, and I only slightly felt bad that she had a bit of a sore throat for the rest of the trip.



19. Steal My BF? I’ll Steal Yours

In high school. My best friend (friends since the 3rd grade) hooked up with my BF of two years. I found out and stopped talking to her. She then starts dating this really hot guy a year older than us, and I became his friend.

We turn into really good friends, and after a year of her being with him and him being my new best friend, he finally admits he has feelings for me. He then dumps her, and I get the satisfaction of watching her cry in the parking lot.



20. Dirty Diaper

When my daughter was about 5 months old, I made an excursion to HEB to get necessities. I was tired and had babyklairedee with me. I patiently waited for one of those “parent with child” parking spots and acknowledge the mom loading up with a tired smile and wave.

As she pulled her minivan out of her spot, this OLD lady in a jaguar whips around me and into the spot.

I was beyond infuriated, I just sat there shocked. So I pulled into another spot and waited. Waited for my daughter to fill up her diaper. I left her a dirty diaper under her windshield wiper.



21. You Get What You Pay For

Back in college, I used to write papers on the side. I charged $50 a pop. I wrote the paper, they paid me then I gave it to them. This one chick needed me to write a quick research essay due in a week. No problem.

She gave me the paper she had started, so I could match writing styles. And we went our separate ways.

Over the week, she kept asking for the price to be dropped. She was a friend, and I’m a nice person. No problem. $30. Then $20. Fine. Easy 3-page paper. It’s cool.

She tells a buddy of ours that she wasn’t going to pay my dumb ass at all but was going to fake a ‘running late, I’ll pay you after class’ deal so I’d give her the paper.

Now, I’m not one to believe a rumor, but this is a source of income for me. So I wrote a 2nd paper just in case. Sure enough, the next morning, two minutes before class, she comes running into class and is all, ‘I’ll pay you after.’ So I handed her the second paper.

First page and the work cited page was 100%. 2nd and 3rd page? Sheer gibberish of paragraphs clearly lifted out of random Internet sites that I so helpfully added a work cited page with the links to the sites I lifted them from. You get what you pay for.



22. A Friend Kicked Me Out

A close friend took me in because we agreed to split the rent. I just moved to Berlin to start my masters. She stole my tobacco, and when I called her out, she escalated irrationally. She kicked me out for the following month for someone who would pay more.

I had noticed so many red flags when I arrived. I had paid rent for the month, so there’s nothing she could do. She basically threw me out in a foreign city with a housing crisis. She took the building and apartment key, so I was basically imprisoned at home the whole time and went to her boyfriend’s and claimed she must have lost it (plain lie I have proof).

The dumb ass forgot the key to the room door inside the lock. So on my way out, guess who locked the room and lost the key as well?

Oh, I might have forgotten the heater on, and she’ll only be back in a week because I had gotten her a REALLY good-paying job in another city for this period.



23. The Mean Girl

My sister was bullied relentlessly in high school for something she had literally zero control over; a certain part of her anatomy. Without going into details, she felt terrible about it, and it more or less ruined her life as an insecure fifteen-year-old girl.

The girl responsible for most of the cruel bullying and the one who gave her a particularly cruel nickname related to her physical issue was called Nadia. Nadia was a foreign exchange student at our school. Nadia was beautiful. She was mean. And she didn’t care at all about what anyone but herself.

I wasn’t Miss Popularity myself, but I had to protect my sister from having her life ruined, and I felt a very strong urge to get back at her tormentors. I learned that the father of Nadia was very conservative. Her whole family back home was. So, I started spreading rumors about her being very promiscuous and ensured these rumors reached the family she was staying with.

This apparently caused her some trouble, but I wasn’t done… I threw a party one night when my parents were gone. I invited Nadia, who gladly came as I was a “cooler older girl” somehow, and she never said no to a chance to get hammered. Because yes, there were a LOT of drinks.

I made sure of that. Took pictures of everyone drinking and having fun. That same night when everyone left, I put it on my Facebook. Tagged Nadia on it… so a picture of her drinking and very skimpily dressed made its way to her page. Her parents saw it before she could take it down. I wasn’t there to see the fallout, obviously, but she was gone the next week from school and flown back to her home country.

Apparently, her parents had to “save her from being corrupted” or something. So, she was gone. And my sister was safe from ridicule as word of my involvement spread, and let’s just say people didn’t really want to mess with her after seeing how far I was willing to go to protect my little sister.



24. Meet John

For a while, I worked as a web designer in a small ad agency serving a very niche industry. Previously, the design team had no creative lead and were all sort of operating independently across varying clients.

We decided to hire a creative director to fill that gap, and I was given the task of sorting through and giving first-round interviews to find the person who would later become my supervisor.

Two candidates, in particular, stood out from the rest for very different reasons. One was exceptionally talented, an all-around nice guy, and somebody who generally would have been great for the role.

The other, let’s call him John, had mediocre talent, came across as insufferable and arrogant but had previous experience working within the niche industry that we serviced. He also had contacts within that industry that could lead to new business.

Despite my strong recommendation to not hire John, his relationships in the industry were too compelling for our agency’s leadership to pass up, and they hired him. It didn’t take long before the entire company started to realize John was a huge burden. He had virtually zero experience in anything related to digital design.

Design for apps, websites, mobile, etc., were all completely and utterly beyond his grasp, but he used his position of relative power to make decisions on those projects that the entire design team refused to support, most of which came back to bite the company in the ass later. The design team hated him because fixing and working around his screw-ups became part of our daily routine.

The sales team hated him because he’d claim it took him unbelievably exaggerated amounts of time to complete even the most trivial of tasks (ex: 4 days to design a business card template), so they wouldn’t even assign him projects anymore. Work that was clearly his responsibility started to rapidly trickle down to the rest of the design team.

We’d be working late nights 4 out of 5 days a week because all of his projects that were in danger of missing deadlines would be re-assigned to us. Meanwhile, he’d be the first to walk out the door every day, right at 5 PM, without fail.

On top of all that, the guy was absolutely, without a doubt, the biggest tool I’ve ever met. Always right about everything, completely unbending on his idiotic opinions, and completely clueless that literally, every person in the building wished he would get hit by a truck.

I genuinely tried to work with him for about a year until I decided that the job had become intolerable because of him and wasn’t going to change any time soon, so I turned in my two-week notice.

About a month after I left, I heard that he had been let go from the job. Shortly after that, I noticed that he had changed his LinkedIn status to show that he was working for a new agency I had never heard of, also servicing that same niche industry. I looked them up and quickly figured out that he had started his own agency… a primarily digital agency… when he had NO experience in digital or interactive design and had literally effed up every digital/interactive project he’d ever been on (I know because most of them were reassigned to me when he proved incapable of doing them himself).

I looked at the portfolio on his website and found literally project after project of my work. He was using my work from the ad agency as examples of the work his agency could produce. I briefly considered contacting him and requesting he remove my work from his portfolio for ethical reasons.

But I could already hear his reply in my head. ‘As creative lead, all work done by my team is an extension of my creative direction.’ He’d used similar lines in the past to insert himself into receiving credit on successful projects he’d had zero involvement on.

So instead, I sent an email to one of the partners of the agency we had both worked for, saying something along the lines of, ‘Hey, not sure if you’ve noticed this, but it looks like John is using your company’s intellectual property to directly compete against you. If I had to guess, I’d assume his next step would be to make a move at your client list.’

The reply was short and sweet: ‘Thanks for bringing this to my attention. He’ll be hearing from our attorney in the morning.’ John’s website was brought down less than 24 hours later. 



25. The Non-Cart-Returner

So I’m leaving the grocery store recently and loading the items I purchased into my vehicle when I notice an entitled woman (EW) nearby. She’s on the phone and has her empty shopping cart in front of her.

I finish loading my groceries and put my cart in the designated place like a decent person, get in my vehicle and begin to move forward when I see EW lightly shove her shopping cart in my general direction. It stops in front of my vehicle, blocking my path, but EW is already marching back toward her own vehicle, completely oblivious.

I’m angry but try to keep my cool.

Me: Excuse me, could you please move your cart out of my way?

EW: (on phone) Hold on, someone is bothering me. (To me) Move it yourself, I’m busy! (goes back to talking on the phone)

Me: (internally) Oh, hell no! I put my vehicle into park, get out, and do as she suggested — I move her cart.

Right behind the vehicle, she’s getting into. But I’m not done because I’m fuming now. I take the entire line, train, whatever you call it, of about 15 more carts that were in the little cart docking area nearby and slowly shove it over behind her vehicle.

I separate a few from the line and begin putting them around her vehicle in a sort of semi-circle before she notices and starts getting out.

EW: (on phone and agitated) I’ll have to call you back. (to me) What the hell do you think you’re doing?

Me: I moved your cart like you wanted me to. (shrugs shoulders) Turns out I had so much fun, I guess I just got excited and moved a few more.

EW: Move those out of my way this instant! I’m in a hurry!

Me: Move them yourself, I’m busy!

EW: (unintelligible scream)

She tries to shove one of the carts my way, but I drive away from that section of the parking lot too quickly. I can see her literally shaking her fist at me when I look in the rearview mirror. I smile and drive on.



26. The Pen Thief

Dad is a principal at a school and has been for a long time… One day, some lady arrives and expresses an interest in enrolling her son. Principal Dad is speaking with her, gets her some forms to fill out, even offers her his special pen. The pen is a nice stainless steel job that was given to every member of the executive staff on the school’s 25th anniversary.

Anyway, the lady and her son fill out the paperwork and go on their way, at which point Dad realizes his pen has also left. Clearly, the pen wasn’t a gift; it was obviously more expensive than a plastic hotel pen.

Fast forward to the next week when the lady arrives to drop her son off for his first day at the school. Principal Dad waits for Mrs. Pen Thief and gives her the Emergency Contact Form to fill out.

Normally this is given to the kid to fill out, but Dad was hoping to see the pen again. Sure enough, this silly lady forgets where she stole the pen from, and out comes the 25th Anniversary Pen to fill out the form… “And now I just need to sign it here,” says Principal Dad, patting down his pockets as if looking for a pen.

Instinctively Mrs. Pen Thief reaches into her handbag and offers him The Pen. “Thanks,” he said as he signs on the bottom of the form… and puts the pen back in his own shirt pocket right in front of her.

Mrs. Pen Thief looks confused, opens her mouth, realizes what has happened, and quickly closes her mouth again. She mumbles a thanks and scurries out the door. I believe he still has the pen to this day.



27. Four Months Rent Free

Year 5 Townhouse (yeah, 5-year plan….) our lease start on July 1st, but both my roomie and I had internships and couldn’t get there until around Labor Day. I drove to the apt. to drop off a load of my stuff for the year and pick up the keys.

I sign for the keys and go on my way, within 10 seconds of walking into the apartment, an overwhelming stink overwhelms my nose. Someone had closed up the fridge, then unplugged it, and the mold was out of control.

I call them and explain what’s going on, and they tell me that is my problem since I didn’t report it within 48 hours of July 1st (lease start date). I kindly reminded them I picked up the keys 15 minutes ago and had not been there – no luck from them.

15 minutes on Google leads me to the State Health Dept (which my mother works for) requirements for apartments …. there is a blurb that said something along the lines of, ‘If mold is found in X unit, all adjoining units must be tested and be giving full remediation.’

I called one more time and said I need a new fridge or could clean it myself but would be withholding the portion of rent for my time and cleaning materials….I was denied. I copied all the managers at XYZ Property Management and my mother/her boss who had health dept .gov email addresses; basics of the email was what I found, photos, and a snapshot of the state statute I mentioned.

Within 60 seconds of the email going out, I had a call from XYZ, an angry call. We ended up not having to pay rent for the July, August, Sept, and October.



28. It Was Priceless

On vacation, my boyfriend and I stop at the Louvre. There is a lineup at the little cafe/snack bar. They have those standing barriers with ropes to guide the line-up, but the ropes aren’t pulled across because people are grownups and can see that it’s just a single line down one side of the front display.

Cue a group of young girls in blinged-out clothes, deciding they don’t have time to stand in line. They go to the front and stand behind the person currently paying. They pretend to be oblivious to the 4-5 other people in line now giving them nasty stares.

I am not in line, but I see their little act. So I go along and start hooking up the ropes. The girls are gossiping together and ignoring everyone else around them because hey, what do they care, right? So they don’t notice when I move the barrier just a smidge forward… and hook up the rope in front of them.

The look on their faces when they turn around to order their coffees and find themselves quite obviously outside the queue was just… soooo priceless.

Huffing and puffing, they had to totter their high-heeled selves to the back of the (now much longer) line-up.



29. Jump The Queue, Ok Then, You Can Still Wait

Lunchtime, at the supermarket. This guy literally pushed his girl in front of me and pointed at a till, saying, “Look, use that one.”

This happened right next to me whilst I was trying to tell a paramedic ahead of us that there was a free till for her. Said excuse me because there obviously is room for errors, he could have just said sorry and moved on, but no.

He doubled down and said, “I did not see you”, what are you talking about? He brushed past as he passed me – this means he was lying (or legally blind). I said to him, “Well, in that case, you’re an idiot,” then scanned my mayonnaise on his till.

I followed up with, “Now you can wait.” At this point, irony decided was that the till adjacent to them should be available, so I started scanning. Then this guy seriously turned to me and said, “Why would you do that, don’t you think it’s petty.”

I put my stuff down, turned to him, and said, “I do, but now you will have to wait like you should have done; will that be a problem?”

Sadly, not much was said after that, but I enjoyed my petty moment, which caused a minor inconvenience, and definitely riled him up ahead of his afternoon.

For clarity, I didn’t care much about me because I am a troll, but damn, allow the emergency service staff you complete and utter insolent wank sock, also, don’t act dumb!



30. Wanna Be a Karen? Fine, I’ll Waste Your Time

So at my old job, where I was a secretary at a country club, this lady came up to the service desk. She was clearly pissed about something before she spoke, so I braced myself. She said she had opened up a new bank account and closed the other, so she needed to give us the updated bank account info.

I looked her up in our system and saw she is 3 months late on the automatic withdrawal payments and so had 3 months of late fees. I told her, and she lost her mind. She screamed so loud all eyes in the lobby were on us, with everyone looking at her in either shock, amusement, or disgust.

The late fees amounted to $450, and she demanded they be removed. Now, if she had simply asked nicely, I would have told her I can ask my manager if the fees could be removed. But instead, she called me a bitch and a cunt multiple times and called me a thief, insisting I was making up the late fees so I could pocket her money.

Whining about how she would need to wait a week to buy some purse if she paid it now. So after she calmed down a little, I told her I’ll start the process to remove the fees and started typing really fast and loud.

In reality, I did a series of free typing tests online. 85 words per minute was my top score, not too bad huh? 5 minutes go by, 10 minutes, 15, 20. At the 30 minute mark, she yells forget it and hands me her debit card to pay the fees.



31. I Shut Off My Cheating Husband’s Phone

After dealing with my husband cheating on me and loudly disrespecting me for 2 years, I finally left him 4 months ago. He assumed no responsibility for the marital bills, and I had to sell the house and his truck by myself.

When I left him, there was also a $400 phone bill in both of our names. I ended up just paying the overdue bill a few months ago under the stipulation that my ex-husband gives me $200 for his share. He did give me $90, but then he laughed at me for expecting him to pay me the other $110, stating that he doesn’t owe me anything.

About a week ago, I went into the store of my current cell phone provider and learned that I am paying twice as much as I should be paying for phone service because I am still being charged $40/month for my ex-husband’s phone. (There’s still $800+ owed on it)

I learned that the remaining balance was not transferred over when he switched his phone number to his own account because he failed to sign the required paperwork.

I explained the situation to my ex-husband, and he was more than willing to join a conference call with me and customer service to get the remaining balance transferred to his own account- we had spent approximately 20 minutes on the phone before my ex-husband told the customer service woman that he is making payments on his own phone through his own account, that he doesn’t have a clue what I’m talking about and that whatever I have called to inquire about it is clearly not even his business- then he hung up.

So today, I spoke with customer service again and learned that I technically own my ex-husband’s phone since it is in my name. So I made a police report, I reported the phone as stolen and it is now flagged and shut off.



32. My MIL Spent The Day Outside 

My mother-in-law has a habit of showing up a day earlier than agreed upon. We’ve had to cancel plans because of her shenanigans. When our kids were younger, one day, my husband made plans with MIL and told her repeatedly that he and I were busy the day before.

Two days before the agreed visit, she messages saying she’s excited to see us ‘tomorrow,’ hubby reminds her ‘Saturday, we’re busy tomorrow.’ Anyway, Friday happens. Hubby goes to a work event and is unable to be contacted most of the day.

My plans are canceled due to one of the kids throwing up. Nap time rolls around, I settle the kids down and go to enjoy some quiet internet time when there’s a knock at the door.

We don’t open the lounge blinds a lot because of nosy apartment neighbors, so I was safe from sight. I checked the peephole in case it was the postie, but nah, MIL, I’m all her annoying glory. I silently deadbolt the door, sneak to the back door and check the locks.

Then I snuggled into my bed with my kids to keep them calm in case the knocking woke them. I checked the peephole after an hour and saw her sulking on the front step, clearly trying to reach hubby on the phone.

Except I had messaged him, ‘your mum is here, I’m ignoring her.’ So he knew why she was calling and ignored her completely. She finally left just before the kids woke from their nap. The next day when she arrived, she asked what I did the day before, and I said, ‘Nothing. I was home all day.



33. He’ll Never Bother Us Again

I had a landlord that I didn’t much care for. Where our previous landlord had been super laid-back and friendly, this new guy was condescending and SOOOO OCD and made a habit of just walking into our apartment uninvited (which is illegal) to yell at us to clean up.

No matter how clean we kept the place. So one night, I called an escort service to his apartment. I asked for a brunette but got two homely-looking blondes instead.

Even better! I was watching from the roof of the adjacent building with a bottle of cheap bourbon. They knocked on the door, and my landlord’s fiance answered, and an argument broke out, and it was glorious.



34. Think Twice Next Time

I used to be kind of an ass. I’ve really mellowed out since. But sometime around 2001–2002, I had an incident in my university dorm laundry room. I can pinpoint the year because my freshman year was the only year our laundry machines took quarters; machines accepted a university cash/card system the following years.

Anyway, I’m a freshman living in the dorms, it’s the weekend, and I’m doing laundry. We had an unwritten rule in the dorm laundry room: If you don’t attend to your laundry, it’s totally cool for someone to pull it out and throw it on the table (wet or dry).

If you don’t like it, just promptly attend to your laundry when the washer or dryer turns off. I assume it’s like this on a lot of campuses. I don’t like people touching my laundry, so I always set an alarm to be there when it’s done (on my digital watch, not my phone!).

I wash my clothes, throw them in the dryer, and set my timer. Soon after, my watch goes off, and I walk back to the laundry room only to find my dryer load completely wet and on the table.

Oh, hell no! Someone pulled my stuff from the dryer only to dump it out and dry their stuff for free. Well, good news: I had more quarters, so I could dry my stuff just fine.

Actually, I had enough quarters for my anonymous friend too — why didn’t they just ask? So I grab their clothes and throw them in an open washing machine with six of my spare quarters.

Actually, wait — I can drop another quarter in for a heavy cycle, which entitles you to an additional rinse and spin! I happen to have another quarter, so I do. The heavy cycle takes over an hour and a half to complete.

Now’s a good time to mention a nice feature the washing machines had that the dryers didn’t: they locked while in operation. The homie would have been stuck for about 100 minutes waiting for another chance to dry their clothes. I hope they made better choices the second time.



35. An Entitled Customer

I’m a flight attendant for a major airline, and the entitlement I encounter is wild. This week, passengers were boarding the flight as usual: large roll-on bags on top, personal items underneath their seat. Then this lady comes on and half-asses her roll-on into the overhead bin.

I mean, this bag is halfway sticking out from the bin. So we make an announcement: ‘L & G, please make sure your bag is properly placed in the overhead bin, this flight will be full, and if the bag does not fit as we are closing bins, it will have to be checked.’

I can see the lady, and she looks at her bag and stares out the window again. Second and third announcements are made just for her. I can’t stop the boarding process to talk to her directly, so whatever. I would have to deal with her bag at the end of boarding.

True to our word, the flight is completely full, and so are the bins. I approach her luggage, and of course, the bin does not close. I ask the general area whose bag I was holding as it does not fit as it’s placed.

‘That’s my bag, but there are people’s backpacks up there, ask them to put them under their seat so you can make it fit. Also, there’s a jacket behind my bag, my bag always fits up there,’ she says.

There’s nothing behind her bag. It’s too long and won’t fit perpendicular to the aisle, and the bin is full, so I can’t place it in sideways. So I tell her this and ask what her final destination was so I could check it there.

She refuses to tell me, again repeating to ‘make it work, do your job.’ We are approaching our departure time, so I’m already flustered with this lady. I said: ‘I’m sorry, I can’t make it work. This bag needs to be checked.

We made several announcements over the last 15 minutes, and you had plenty of time to get your bag stowed properly. People have as much right to access these bins as you do, so I can’t force passengers to bring down their items to accommodate yours.’ So I asked her again what her final destination was.

She ignored me and stared out the window. ‘Ma’am?’ No answer. ‘Ma’am?’ Nothing. Fine. I take the bag down and hand it to the agent. What’s the final destination he asks. Our flight was headed to Chicago. I paused. ‘Lubbock.’ fapthirty


36. The Police Suggested The Revenge

This happened to a friend of mine years ago, and me as well, but he did the revenge. I lived in a small village by the sea. Most people had a small boat with an outboard motor.

People were not poor but far from rich. Someone began stealing gas from the boats on multiple occasions. Lots of people got livid. They lost their gas, of course, but even worse was that several ran out of gas far from shore, potentially very dangerous.

A friend of mine went to the local police and got to talk to the chief of police and got the following advice: “Fill a can with gas, mix it with sugar, and put the can in your boat.”

My friend got a bit concerned and asked if this was illegal and could get him in trouble. “It is not illegal to mix sugar and gas. It is your gas. If someone steals it, is no problem of yours. If the thief files a complaint, you can rest assured that I will follow it up regarding all the thefts.” And so he did.

A nice brand new can filled to the brim with gas and lots of sugar. The can was gone the day after. Fast forward a week. The local engine repair shop got a pretty new 120hp engine in for repair.

As said, a small village, so after checking up on the engine, it was easy for the mechanic to put two and two together. The mechanic told the customer that the engine was beyond repair (a lie, I guess) and that the customer should contact the police because this was sabotage. The police got no complaint.

Of course, the story went viral in the small community. The thief was, until then, a well-respected person. The moving van showed up a few months later.



37. She Had Lice For A Month

In eighth grade, a girl spread a rumor saying that I and my best friend were lesbians and that I’d contracted head lice from her pubes. Coincidentally, the kids we babysat at the time had a bad case of lice.

In a moment of ingenuity, I and my friend swiped a few off their heads and put them in an envelope. The next morning in homeroom, we saw her asleep on her desk and dumped the lice on her head when no one was looking. They made themselves at home, and she had lice for a month.

Four lovely weeks of giggling uncontrollably every time we saw her hopelessly scratching her infested head during class.



38. Our Four Feet Tall Teacher

In high school, I had a very sour old woman for Algebra. She was very mean and an awful teacher, but she was only about four feet tall. In her classroom, there was a set of steps in front of the whiteboard so she could reach to write on it.

Whenever she was absent (which was quite frequent, she was sick a lot. She actually kept all of her used tissues in her desk, but that’s a story for another time), we would take the markers from the little lip below the whiteboard and place them very precariously on top where she couldn’t reach them. Then we would take the box of extras and put them on top of the TV cabinet.



39. A Poisoned Apple

A story from my days as a grad student in chemistry – late 1984 or early 1985. Reporting revenge dispensed by another. First-year chemistry grad students shared a large, multi-desk office that included a refrigerator for storing food (no chemicals).

One morning one of the other students discovered that overnight an apple he was keeping in the refrigerator had been stolen.

After asking around to determine that none of us had taken it, he devised revenge – he left a note in the refrigerator saying (as best I remember all these years later), “The apple you stole yesterday had MALIC ACID in it! You mess with a chemist at your own peril.”

The next day a night janitor reported to the health center, stating that he had been poisoned. But no punishment was meted out to the grad student “poisoner” – malic acid is the naturally-occurring chemical that makes apples taste tart, and the apple had not been adulterated. You mess with a chemist at your own peril.



40. Steal My Phone? I’ll Edit Your Presentation

So this happened recently. Basically, my friend (let’s call him Harry) swiped my phone while I was using it and ran away. Because my phone was unlocked, he sent a bunch of offensive messages to my friends and even to my family.

Needless to say, I got blocked by quite a few people. Harry returned my phone later with a grin on his face, and that really annoyed me.

Revenge: About a week later, Harry has the audacity to email me, asking for my English presentation (I know) because he needs to present something next period. We are in different classes, but the lessons are pretty much the same, so big tasks are usually the same.

I opened my PowerPoint presentation and shared it with him via outlook. He received it, and I waited until just before his lesson, at which point I opened the PowerPoint, which I still had access to and could edit, and made a couple of changes with a lot of stuff copied from what he’d said on my phone the week before.

Later he sent me a lot of angry messages saying that he had to read out the slides with my edits to the whole class and the teacher called his parents. It was so funny.



41. “This Is What I’m Gonna Do About It”

I work as a train driver. I drive smaller trains mostly out in the countryside, and people are generally nice and well-behaved. But of course, there are also the general weirdos who use public transport and some people that just live to be a pain in the butt.

This was a few years ago. We were traveling in the late afternoon, and my conductor (let’s say C) storms into the driver’s cabin, angry and annoyed, and tells me:

C: We have two rude good-for-nothing guys onboard!

Me: What did they do?

C: They have no tickets, and refuse to pay. They just laughed in my face when I said they had to. ‘What are you gonna do about it?’ they said.

Me: Should I help you throw them off at the next stop?

C: We can’t because they’re just traveling one station, so they’re getting off at the next stop! We’re both angry, so I let the conductor rant and let off some steam.

The next stop comes, and the guys get off. We continue the short remaining journey and have a break at the end station.

Some hours later, the train then heads back the way we came. Since it’s the countryside and it’s a late weekend evening, the train is almost empty on the way back.

The conductor knows where every passenger on board is getting off, and she’s up in front with me, chatting. Until… …we approach the station where we let those guys off.

We see two people standing there. It.is.them. The conductor says, with the biggest smile on her face: “Do not stop.” When we pass them, my conductor opens the window, waves, and says loud and happily: “THIS IS WHAT I’M GONNA DO ABOUT IT!”



42. Revenge On Noisy Neighbors

Back when I finished high school, I got a job in a town away from home. I got two other girls who were colleagues, and we rented a room.

Our neighbors were three university students. Two of them were inconsiderate and would make noise past midnight, and we could hear everything through the walls.

We requested them to reduce the noise severally, but they sarcastically told us to deal with it, that they paid their rent and were free to do whatsoever.

One day I overheard one of them complaining of a headache and that he needed to sleep. Cue to me waking up my roommates. We started telling stories and laughing out loudly. The guy told us to shut it off, and I shouted through the walls, ‘but we paid our rent last week.’ Surface to say we never dealt with the noise ever again.



43. “Remember To Shave”

I got turned down, by the manager, at a job interview for a team member at Dominos because of my stubble facial hair.

Weeks later, I order from that same Dominos, and that same manager is, the one who delivers my order, which is around $25, and I couldn’t help but notice he has stubble facial hair. So I gave him no tip and told him the exact same thing he told me.

It’s not exactly like this, but something similar: “Why do you have all that facial hair? Do you think customers wanna see that? Anyways, I won’t be giving you a tip this time. Maybe when I order again, I’ll be giving you a tip. But of course, remember to shave.”



44. She’ll Never Touch Another Milkshake Again

Not me, but my older brother. Him and his friends were in high school, and there was a girl that would come and steal his friend’s milkshake every day at lunch. This had been going on for a while, and it was pissing all of them off, so my brother came up with a way to get back at her.

The next day would be like any other – his friend would get his lunch and milkshake – but they would cut up some ex-lax and stir it into the milkshake. The next day rolls around, and they proceed with the plan.

Well, the girl comes and takes the milkshake, laughing while she snatches his drink (and I think called him some rude name or something). The joke was on her, though, because she apparently didn’t show up for school for the next 3 days.



45. Don’t Rub Your Grades In My Face

I’m in a high school that does both HS and middle school. I’m currently a freshman.

Last year, there was a boy in my class who I’ll call here “Ken.” Ken is good at math. He likes to rub it in my face.

Last year, Ken and I sat next to each other in homeroom, and he would taunt me about his superior math skills. He was also annoying and rude to me in general. Fast-forward to yesterday.

In US History, we had a big test on the American Revolution. US History is my best subject. I got an 90. He got a 64. (I heard him despondently telling a friend, I didn’t peek at his grade sheet or anything).

I have Social Studies first period, so many people ask me for test tips or if it’s true that the test is really hard. This is what I tell them. “It is! (Ken) even got a 64! You should really study hard, don’t want to end up like him!”

I even go to the popular girls’ table and tell them all exactly how Ken scored. And thus concludes my petty revenge on an academically annoying student.



46. Lunch Thief

About three years ago, I was working in a pretty big factory. They hired through 5 different temp services, so the place was pretty much like a revolving door. People came and left without any warning, sometimes, it was hard just to find a familiar face.

So when someone started stealing my lunches, everyone became a suspect. After falling victim to the Lunch Box Bandit for a week straight — I’m talking about six 12-hour days with no lunch — I was fed up.

The frustration spawned several evil plans, but I felt the Carolina reaper would give me the fastest and most effective results. I spent all night making the best steak fajitas for lunch the next day.

I finally minced the reaper peppers into a nice pico de gallo and topped my devil fajitas off. I carefully placed my fajitas into a Tupperware bowl, garnished them with cilantro and limes, then covered them with a clear lid to display their beauty.

The next morning, about an hour, after I placed them in the fridge, a woman started screaming for help. I ran to the lunchroom to find the Lunch Box Bandit laying on the floor, gasping for air.

The reaper peppers triggered an asthma attack, and he had to be rushed to the hospital. He never said anything, and neither did I.



47. Needless To Say, He Learned His Lesson

I work with a guy who shows no respect for a closed door. Doesn’t matter if I’m in a meeting with a client or colleague, having a personal conversation on the phone, or just trying to focus on getting something done.

Every time he wants to talk, he will just fling the door open and start yabbering. I’m sure he knows that and probably gets off on it. There are numerous other issues with this guy, but the door is what really gets to me.

I could have dealt with this a few ways, like politely asking him to stop, putting a sign on my door, or even locking myself in my office, but he isn’t deserving of most of them.

So rather than stopping him from coming into my office unannounced, I decided it would be much more fun to stop him from going into his own office. All the doors in my building lock from the inside with a simple push button, but only the cleaner and the office manager have a key.

So one day, I figured it would be fun to quietly lock his door when he was out so that the next time he arrived, he’d be inconvenienced for 5 minutes or so until he got hold of a key.

The first time I did this, it was satisfying but definitely needed more work. So over the next few months, I would pick random times to lock the door.

Sometimes before he arrived in the morning, sometimes during the day when he stepped out for a break. It was enough to be annoying but not so much as to arouse suspicion.

Needless to say, he is still a pain in everyone’s butt, but at least I know he doesn’t get to rudely barge into every office he wants to enter.



48. I Won

Once, a friend couple looted an exquisite dessert I ordered at a restaurant dining with them. The cruel bastards just ate it in front of my eyes. I told them, “You know, revenge is a dish best served cold”. They just laughed.

Roughly two years later, we were out drinking beers, and they told me they were gonna watch Fight Club, highly anticipating the movie since they both had heard so many good things about it.

I spoiled the movie for them by revealing the twist. 30 minutes into the movie, they called me and told me I was an asshole. Win! clemenzzzz


49. Don’t Mess With My Trash Cans

My next-door neighbor is one of those people who believes he is the mayor of the neighborhood.

We live on a cul de sac with only seven houses. He’d berate people whose grass is taller than he feels it should be. He called the cops on me a few times if he could hear music playing outside (not loudly, and even during the daytime).

The town Deputy who came each time finally measured the volume level with a phone app and told him that it was under 50db and therefore permissible and that he wouldn’t come out again for the same complaint.

The last straw for me was my garbage can. About four feet high, with two wheels and a handle to move it up and down the driveway. It was put out every Wednesday night, and the truck came early the next morning to empty it.

The neighbor decided he didn’t like where I placed it (I take mine out at night) and started moving it when he brought his own can out in the morning.

It’s a small thing, but eventually, I decided it needed to stop. I took a turd from my cat’s little box and smeared it on the inside of the handle of the garbage can. It faced away from the street, with the handle on the street side. If you looked from the yard side, you could see little gobs on the inside of the handle, but from the street side, it looked normal.

Usually, I get up a couple of hours after the garbage truck comes by, but that day I was up early and watched from an upstairs window with a cup of coffee.

Neighbor wheeled his can down to the end of his driveway, crossed the street, and started to move my can. As soon as he wrapped his fingers around the handle, he jerked his hands away, saw the brown goo on his fingers, and actually sniffed them! He then went totally ballistic, yelling obscenities I could hear from inside. Then he viciously booted my can into my yard, knocked out garbage bags, and started kicking them, which scattered trash all over my lawn. He then went inside and called the cops.

The same Deputy arrived about 15 minutes later and spent another 15 minutes trying to calm him down. The neighbor pointed to the handles of the garbage can and kept screaming, “He put poo there, and I got it on my hands!”

Eventually, the Deputy told the neighbor to stay put and walked across the street to my house. I was already waiting at the front door when he knocked. He addressed me by my first name (since he had been called out before) and said, “Mr. Jones claims you rubbed feces on your garbage can, and he got it on his hands when he attempted to move it from the street.”

I, of course, had rehearsed my reply and knew better than to deny the obvious. “It’s my garbage can, and I can do whatever I want to it, right? Plus, it was on my property, and he had no business touching it.” The Deputy was struggling to keep a straight face at this point.

“And,” I added, “He also tossed trash all over my yard, and I shouldn’t have to pick it up.” The Deputy nodded and said, “Yeah, he did admit to doing that.” The Deputy told me to stay on my porch and walked back across the street to the neighbor, who was already asking what was going to happen to me.

I couldn’t hear what was said, but the deputy eventually escorted him over to my yard and watched as the neighbor picked up the trash and put it all back into the garbage can that he had to stand back upright by grabbing the rim, not the handle.

They went back to the neighbor’s driveway and the deputy quietly lectured him for a couple of minutes. I never had any issues with him again.



50. That’s What You Get By Being Rude

So, I work in a big clothing store. Since this is the last week before Christmas and our store is pretty big, I expected to have more people on a shift to cover up everything. But I was wrong.

The amount of customers is double compared to other normal weeks, so we are pretty understaffed. I was working in the changing rooms. My job was to keep them clean, make sure that people are respecting the COVID guidance, and putting back the clothes left by the customers. There were many customers, a huge line, and a lot of frustrated people, but I was doing quite a good job.

As I was minding my business, a lady shouts to me from the last changing room, ”You there, bring me an S for this skirt.’ I went there, and she told me that she has the perfect Christmas outfit in mind, but she needs an S for the skirt she was trying on now.

I told her that I will bring it, but she will need to be patient since I have a lot of work to do. Five minutes later, as I was ready to go and bring that skirt, the customer once again shouts, ‘Where is the skirt?’ I once again go there, and I nicely tell her that I was about to go and bring it. She says, ‘Forget it, I’ll bring it myself, looks like nobody does any work in this store.’

I nicely explained that my job is not to bring clothes to customers but to take clothes from the changing room and put them back, but I wanted to be nice and do her a favour by bringing that skirt. She said something about me being useless and goes back to change.

At that point, I was really annoyed with her entitlement, so I went and took the only S left from that skirt in the entire store, and I booked it for myself. The store allows employees to do that during work hours, so it wasn’t a problem.

As I went back to the changing rooms, I saw that lady hysterically searching for an S. I’ll put the skirt back right after Christmas.



51. She Had A Plan

My mom had a fantastic one. She was a language teacher at my high school, and years after I had graduated, she called me kind of upset because a group of guys was trying to make her look dumb.

The class was supposed to write one of those team dialogues in Spanish, and had a week or so to prepare it, then had to perform it in front of the class.

When she called for them to do theirs, they said, ‘But we already did ours, we’re not doing it again.’ She said, ‘You definitely didn’t do it, I don’t have any record of it here, and I would remember it if you had.’ They refused to do it, insisting they had already performed it and that it was her fault she didn’t take notes/scores.

She was feeling puzzled and questioning herself when one of the good kids came and said, ‘They didn’t do it – they were bragging about making you look stupid and threatened the whole class if they told you anything. But please don’t tell them I told you this, I don’t want any problems with them.’ (These were those stereotypical dumb jock types who everyone was scared of for whatever reason).

My mom was really into yoga at the time and got a great idea while meditating. She went in the next day and said, ‘Boys, I owe you an apology. I found my notes on your presentation, and I do remember it, I don’t know how I forgot!’

She went on to describe all the grammatical mistakes they made, that their dialogue hadn’t been as long as required, that they didn’t include the necessary vocabulary, etc. All made up.

She failed them all on the project, and they couldn’t do a thing about it without admitting they’d made it all up.



52. Be Nice To Your Roomie

So I posted on here a little while ago about my roommate using up all my baby wipes, and he said to me he would stop.

Well, the past 2 days, he started doing it again, along with using my toothpaste and not even….being kind enough to put the cap back on after using it.

A couple of days ago, he said he has a girl coming over and would like to get some action and leave him alone. I said, ‘OK, no worries.’ So about an hour before she came over, I pretended to leave and said I am heading out for the night.

Five minutes later, I snuck back in while he was making dinner for the both of them. I got to my room and hid in there, knowing that for a fact at some point in the night, she would ask to use the bathroom, and I needed to poo.

So 45 minutes goes by, and she arrives, and I am just waiting. About 2 hours after she gets there, I hear him go to the bathroom. AH perfect! He went first! Now time to take a bowel movement.

I run into the bathroom and go as quiet as I possibly can. A huge load. And I don’t flush or put the lid down. I go back to my room and wait… There she goes, into the bathroom. She was in there for exactly 6 seconds and came out. 7 minutes later, she leaves.



53. Credit Card Fraud

This story starts off with a slightly less humorous fact…a few days ago, I was on the unfortunate end of credit card fraud. The fraudsters decided to take my CC info and purchase $1000 worth of car parts from Philly and have it sent across the border to the city I currently live in, Vancouver, Canada.

I got a call this morning about a DHL shipment entering the country that required customs to be paid. Knowing I haven’t shipped anything with DHL in forever. I quickly come to the realization that it must be the fraudsters shipping their goods here.

“It can’t be!” I thought. Who in their right mind would use a stolen credit card to order something to their own house in the city the owner of the card lives.

After a brief chat with DHL about the customs fees I will not be paying, I manage to obtain the address the package was being sent to. I hummed and hawed about it but eventually decided the best thing to do was call the local police department and let them know what was up. I told the officer all about the situation.

Unfortunately, I did not know what car the parts were for, and I hoped this info helps them somehow in the future. He tells me that the chances are slim, but he will swing by the house (it’s literally 15 minutes from my own) just to see if anything weird is going on and follow up with me if he needs to. I thank him and go on with my work day.

About an hour later, I get a call from the same officer, obviously excited. “Hi, it’s Officer X. You will never guess what just happened. I was following up on the report and drove by the house. I decided to go knock on the door just to see if anyone was home and ask them a couple of questions.

A man opened the door, and as we were talking, DHL drove up to deliver the package. Yes, that’s right, the exact package we had been discussing. “The delivery driver walks up to the door and says, ‘Hi, is [my name] there?’ to which the man replies, ‘Oh yeah, he’s just downstairs.’

You can imagine my surprise! ‘That’s pretty funny because I just got off the phone with him, and I know for a fact he doesn’t live here,’ I said. The guy, no joke, looks me dead in the face and goes, ‘Oh whatever, the package is paid for.’

“I chuckled and turned to the DHL driver to tell him should leave because I need to make an arrest. I’m calling you while I drive back to the precinct, thought it might brighten your day!” I still cannot believe that they caught the guy, but thought it was a story that was too good not to share.



54. That One Coworker

At my old workplace, there was a woman who would eat other people’s food without their consent. The food was stored in the company refrigerator. She ate mine. I caught her. I got pissed.

Other people were pissed when they found she was also eating their food. Revenge… So every day after I caught her, some of my co-workers and I would buy a dozen donuts in the morning.

We would offer her a donut first. “Sure, take two. Three. There’s plenty.” She would take two or three. We brought candy and left them in a bowl close to her desk. She could not help herself. Her weight ballooned to unhealthy proportions.

Last I heard, she now has health issues related to bariatrics.



55. Getting Karen Kicked Out

So about two years ago, I started waitressing at a small family-owned restaurant in my small town. Everyone that came in were regulars, and we all talked.

Well, one morning, my parents came in with my five younger siblings. I was waiting on them while the other waitress got the table next to them. So I wasn’t paying attention to that table.

There was only one man and a woman, both older and I’d never seen them before. I’m taking care of my family and bringing their food out and going to my other tables when the table next to my family apparently starts calling me dumb and saying other incredibly inappropriate things about me with my young siblings sitting right there.

I don’t know about any of this when I come to my parents to refill their drinks, and the lady at the other table starts yelling at me. I am dumbfounded because I had no idea what was going on.

Apparently, the other waitress hadn’t come to get their drink order. My mom then proceeded to yell at her, “If it’s that much of a problem, leave. Don’t yell at my daughter for something that has nothing to do with her.” At that, the owner came out and kicked the couple out, and I haven’t seen them since.



56. You’re Not Anonymous Online

So, my daughter, who was about 8 at the time, was REALLY into Minecraft (as most kids are these days). I had also installed some screen recording software that would let her make videos of the games she was playing so she could later upload them to YouTube.

Anyways, one day I’m minding my own business when I hear her quietly sniffling over on the computer. I asked her what was wrong. Someone was harassing not only her but also all the other kids playing on whatever server she was on. This kid (we’ll call him LS) was saying stuff about how he was going to assault my 8-year-old daughter, how he was going to hack into her IP and steal all her info, swearing profusely all the while.

We realized that our daughter had been recording the entire incident, and a plan began to form. I started by googling LS’s username. There were several hits immediately, the most interesting of which involved a page where he was publicly applying to be a mod for a server on Minecraft.

I was able to learn a lot about this little POS: he claimed to be 15, used to live in Toronto but now lives in Florida. But the bombshell was his Skype; it was literally firstname.lastname. So I head over to Facebook and search for the name. Nothing. Hmmmm.

On a hunch, I searched for just the last name while narrowing my results to only the state of Florida. Several dozen hits. Hmmm. So I have to start combing through each one until I find what I was looking for: a middle-aged man with the same last name whose profile indicates he was born in Toronto and now lives in Florida.

I FOUND YOUR DAD. So I sent him a message and, ultimately, the recording of his son threatening my daughter as proof. Radio silence for a few days. Then we got the message back: LS had his computer taken away from him. His parents were livid with him, and he surely hated the next few months of his life. No one messes with my daughter.



57. Got Revenge On A Rude Customer

I’ve been working at a Subway restaurant for the past two years, from the end of high school through my first year of college. I take classes in the morning and afternoon, so when I work, it’s usually a closing shift (only working 15 hours a week, full-time student).

The only issue is that I close by myself, so it really toys with my anxiety whenever I get in a rush, or can’t finish certain duties by a certain time, etc. So by the end of the night, I’m usually so out of it mentally and just want to get home ASAP (we close at 10).

So tonight, I was closing like usual, and I really wanted to get home as early as I could to finish an assignment due at midnight.

Of course, with my luck, it turns out to be one of the busiest nights we’ve had in a while because they recently sent out coupons for BOGO footlong after 4 p.m.

So by the time 10 rolls around, I’m finishing up the dishes, cleaning the line, counting the bread, wraps, bowls, etc., and I go to lock the door at 10, and as I’m turning off the open signs, a guy walks in, and I tell him, ‘Sorry, we’re closed.’ He wittily responds: ‘Then how’d I get in here?’ I respond: ‘I was walking to lock the door right now, you have to leave, sir.’ Him: ‘No, I want a sandwich.’

At this point, I’m just thinking if this guy’s ballsy enough to tell a business worker to stay open after hours because HE wants service, then idk what he could do. So I decide to make him his sandwich to just make him go away. He proceeds to take a good two to three more minutes just staring at the menu, omg I was fuming, every dagger imaginable coming from my eyes was hitting his stare.

I make his sandwich then we move to the POS/cash register. I go to put in the sandwich, tell him his total, and he pulls out a $50 dollar bill. I get so excited because we can’t accept bills over $20, and I pray he doesn’t have any other method of pay.

I tell him the bad news, and he, of course, gets angry, saying to break it any way, well good thing I just dropped most of the money from the register into our safe before I went to lock up, so I literally couldn’t give him proper change for the $50.

I explain it to him as I slide his sub to the side where he can’t reach it, and he just leaves in a fit of rage. I proceeded to then take that sub home and eat it whilst finishing up my assignment and turning it in on time.

Honestly, if he wasn’t such a commanding douche, I would’ve just given him the sub and told him not to worry about it. But if you’re gonna force me to do my job past our posted hours and be rude about it, you’re not getting a break.



58. Call the Police on Me? I’ll Get You Towed

Where I live, I share a backyard with about five other houses. It’s a strange layout, where five houses are back to back and form a sort of circle. Due to that, I legitimately thought that my neighbor’s trash bin was ours, as it was right next to our parking spaces.

One day, I had the police come to my house and say that the neighbors called them for using their trash can. If I continued to use it, they would take me to court and issue a citation. This was the first time I realized the trash can wasn’t ours, and of course, I then asked my roommates which trash bin was ours and started using the right ones.

The neighbors then came up to me and said that if I don’t pay their trash bill, they will proceed to take me to court. Otherwise, I cough up $100, and they will leave me alone. If they had simply come up to me and asked me to stop, I would have immediately noticed the mistake, apologized, and explained.

However, rather than do that, they took advantage of the situation to get me to pay their bills. At that point, I was pissed. One thing I knew is that they illegally parked their car in the street after parking hours.

Where I live, you cannot use street parking from 3 am – 7 am. So I called the parking department about the constantly illegally parked car.

The next day, the car was missing. So everything that they just got from me to pay their bills immediately went to the towing company.



59. Touch My Stuff? I’ll Light Yours On Fire

I was living with a friend of mine and a girl I didn’t know too well. We became friends and started hanging out a bunch. I ended up getting into a car accident on the freeway and had to move home.

It took me a few days to get back to pack, and when I did, most of my stuff was missing. I was furious and upset about it. The girl told me my friend had a few people over and that maybe they had taken the stuff.

Well, I went to grab some boxes and pack some more while she was gone and went into her room to snoop, and sure enough, this girl had taken over half my closet and hid it in her room, including my CDs, old antique perfume bottles my grandma had given me…down to socks and bras. WTF?

So anyway, I was livid, packed all my stuff and took all my stuff out of her room that she was trying to steal…. then went back with some black garbage bags and took all of her clothes she had hanging up and anything else I could find.

Took it all to BFE and lit it on fire. She called me frantic and said she was missing all her stuff, and I told her the people that took my stuff must have taken hers too.

Once she knew she’d been caught, she threatened me and told me she was going to call the cops. I told her to go ahead. ( They wouldn’t have found anything anyway).



60. My Mom’s Revenge On Her Toxic Ex

So obviously not my story, but my mom told me about this, and I have to share.

Several years ago, my mom was in a relationship with a toxic guy that would constantly start arguments and try to find every opportunity to yell at her. She’s not an arguing person, so she’d always just stare at him like a child throwing a tantrum and ask if he was done yet.

It was only arguing and yelling, so she had the mindset of I can live with that since it could be worse (she was young and in a hard time in her life).

After a while of it, she got petty revenge any time he would try to argue about stupid stuff. She was the only one in the house that did house chores, dishes, laundry, etc. She used different detergents when she did laundry since she bought whatever was the cheapest, and he had a minor sensitivity to anything but 1 name brand one (it just caused him to itch and be a bit uncomfortable), so on nights, he’d pick fights she’d do her normal thing of just waiting for it to blow over and then she’d wash his clothes in her detergent.

He’d come home complaining about the itch. Every time he argued, he’d go to work uncomfortable and never knew why but did eventually realize no arguing meant no itch, so it did work.

The relationship did not last long, but I still found it beautifully petty when she told me, and I’m proud to have her as a mom and now know where my pettiness comes from.



61. She Cried Out In Pain

I was about 12 when we had our first dog. It was the cutest, fluffiest little thing, we named him Sugar. My dad’s girlfriend, at the time, was an alcoholic.

Our puppy was only about ten weeks when she thought it would be a great idea to let it outside without any supervision. The poor little pup was run over by a car and was killed. She had one job: watch the puppy for 2 hours. No, she wasn’t drunk when we left.

Our family was devastated, my father even cried. This devil woman then proceeds to tell us she was too drunk and simply forgot the dog was outside.

A few weeks later, I was still incredibly upset and angry. I went to the bathroom and noticed she had left her contacts in the bathroom. I opened the case and put soap in the contact lens solution.

That morning as she put those contacts on, I heard her cry out in pain. She had irritated eyes for a week. I thought it was a small price to pay for killing my puppy.

My father was a little upset, but he had no proof of my wrongdoing. I finally disclosed what I had done drunkenly to my father on my 25th birthday. We laughed and took a shot of tequila. That psycho is out of our lives, and we couldn’t be happier.



62. A Bratty Kid

A woman came into the frozen yogurt shop where I was working. She let her bratty kid run around. Mildly annoying, more annoying was that she let her kid disrespect and walk all over his grandma, who was with them. She was also really rude and talked down to all my staff.

When she went to the bathroom, the kid jumped up on the counter and stuck his hand in the toppings. So I gave him an entire cup full of M&M’s. When she came back from the bathroom, her son was in a frenzy with the candy.

Boy, was she pissed, but the little monster went into a complete rage when she took the candy from him. It got so bad and shameful that she had to literally drag him out.



63. I Cost My Neighbors Over $100,000

My neighbors have 9 cars in total parked in the street. They always park two of those cars in front of my house and won’t move them the whole week. We have a regulation where u live that you can’t leave your car parked for more than 48 hrs in the same spot. My neighbors have a pretty big driveway where they can fit four cars, but it’s always empty. They have told me they don’t like to leave their driveway with cars because it looks tacky.

Over half the cars they have, they don’t even use them. They just use them to safe parking spots for themselves. In 2021 I noticed they were building a second unit I’m back of their main house.

I noticed that they completed the house in under a month. This raised some red flags because it takes anywhere from 2-3 months, with city inspections taking the majority of the time.

I submitted a ticket with my city through the app and advised them that there might be some illegal residential buildings without permits. I didn’t think of it much until a year later. I noticed my neighbors tearing down their second unit last week. Word got around our block that a city inspector was there, making sure everything was being torn down.

Based on what the materials and labor they put into their second unit, I cost them over $100,000.



64. This Seat Is Taken

So, I decided that I wanted to go see The Martian today. I took the bus and ended up showing up 50 minutes early. So I was the only one in the theater for a good 25 minutes, so I took my time picking out my ideal spot.

I decided to go to the bathroom before the movie, so I didn’t miss anything. On my way back with a soft pretzel in hand, I see a woman with her kids, and she’s moving all of my stuff to a different seat so she and her kids can take my spot. I stomach it, grab my stuff and move to a different spot.

While I’m sitting there eating my pretzel, I notice her and her kids all going to the bathroom. I seize the opportunity. I run, grab all their stuff, and move it to seats right in front of the entrance so they’ll see it as soon they walk in.

I then reclaim my rightful place in my perfect spot. The lady comes in, sees her stuff, looks at me, connects the dots, and now has been shooting the occasional bad glance from the front row, and every other spot filled up.



65. The Song That Never Stops

I had two jobs, one was at this country ice house…in the middle of nowhere outside of my city. This place was pretty small but was one of the few bars in a certain area, so it would get busy. A lot of good ol’ boys and oil field guys. I worked the door, checked IDs and such, and usually broke up fights or kick people out.

One night some trouble happens between some regulars, and one guy tries to hit another guy with a pool stick. I happened to get hit in the arm but got behind the guy and put him to sleep.

Next day the manager calls me to tell me I’m being let go. Apparently, the pool stick guy spends a lot of money, and me putting him to sleep left him bitter, so he called the owner. That’s fine.

Anyways the bar has a nice fancy jukebox. If you have the app, you can just pick songs on your credit card, and they’ll play. If you hit play next on a song, even if they turn the jukebox off, it’ll play when it starts back up. It’s also unskippable. With the master remote, you could skip a song, but they lost that remote, so they really can’t do much if someone plays a certain song they don’t like, and even if they unplug it, it’ll play no matter what when they turn it on.

Here’s my petty revenge: The owner does inventory every Tuesday night. It also happens to be a busy night because they do pool tournaments, and it usually gets packed. So here I thought, I could probably just play the same song over and over, and there’s nothing they can really do.

I got twenty bucks in credits, and that usually gives you about 18 unskippable songs. Plus, more depending if the app gifts you credits. I picked a remix of Cotton Eye Joe that comes in at around 7 minutes a pop.

Usually, when the pool tournament started. Two hours of hearing the same song have killed their business on Tuesdays. Even if they unplug it, it’ll still play when they plugged it back up. I’ve been doing it for two months so far, last I heard, they had to buy a new jukebox at a cost of $5,000. I’ll probably stop for a month and then start again. 



66. Labia Piercing

This dude in my accounting class in high school used to ask me for answers to questions, only to spout them to the teacher like he’d worked them out, thereby looking like a genius and getting credit for my work.

One day, our teacher comes into class with a pierced tongue and is talking sort of funny. Terry, as his name is, proceeds to use it as a point of conversation. “Hey miss, do you have any other piercings, like your ear?”

“No,” she responds, thinking he’s making an inane conversation. “Would you get your nose pierced?” He keeps asking, just to prolong the time before class starts.

As usual, he leans over, asking for help. “What are some other good things to ask her?” I was annoyed that he always asked for my help to benefit him, so I thought I’d have some fun.

“Labia, ask if she’s going to get her labia pierced.” “What is a labia?” he says. “Oh, sorry, it means eyebrow, that’s like the piercing name for it”. Like how a tragus is that nose piercing, yeah?’

“Oh cool! Hey miss, are you going to get your labia pierced next?” Every girl, and especially the teacher, in the class, looked at him like he was trash, and he tried blaming me, but I brushed it off gracefully.



67. A Memorable Apartment Showing 

Basically, I haven’t had the greatest landlord and have gotten screwed over a few times by him but never really did anything about it. So now I am moving out in the next few months, and he has been showing my place to potential new tenants, and the rate of showings is getting rather annoying.

So this evening, I thought it would be a good time to send a clear message that I have had enough of the showings. I was given the standard notice of when they were going to be coming by, but I wasn’t going to let that interrupt my “schedule.”

So when the landlord opened the door to show the prospective tenants in, the first thing they see is me doing the side-plank pose naked as the day I was born. The look of horror on the lady’s face when she saw me was priceless.

Long story short, to say the only thing that was shown was my naked glory and a very bewildered landlord. I am still waiting for his response to my interpretation of a “showing.” icarusflewtooclose


68. “Shhh, This Is A Quiet Car”

I take the train to work each morning and then again to get home. I like to sit in the quiet car because it allows me to think and do a little extra work each day.

On the train ride home today, a woman in front of me kept talking on the phone even after people nicely asked her to be quiet. The conductor also came through and informed her she was in a quiet car.

The seats we are in have very little support, so someone behind you could push your seat, and you’d feel it. Several riders decided it wasn’t worth it and switched cars. I decided I had enough and slouched far enough, so both of my knees were firmly in the back of her seat, pushing fairly hard. She cocked her head around and told me to put my knees down.

I closed my eyes, and fake slept. She got up and moved to a different seat. There was a person behind her, and guess what he did? Knees to the back of the chair. People started catching on, and she chose a seat with no one behind her.

Another rider changed seats behind her, and she got some more knees. The conductor came through again and was unaware of our little revenge. She got up and told him that people were putting knees into her back and stalking her to each spot. The conductor put his index finger to his lips and said, “Shhhh, this is a quiet car.”



69. Actually Called The City

Ok, this is REALLY petty. My husband is insane about lamps and side tables matching and being symmetrical. Like annoying about it. So whenever we have an unrelated argument, even after we’ve made up, I slightly shift a table lamp askew, or I’ll tilt a picture frame.

For years he thought it was the city bus driving over a manhole cover. He even called the city about it. I considered telling him IF the city got involved with rerouting the manhole. They didn’t. PHEW!

Edit to let you know that this has been going on for 11 years now, and he still does not know. So if he reads this, ‘Hi honey, you’re not crazy. I love you!’



70. It Felt So Good

I was staying in an older hotel in San Francisco. The elevator was very small, very old school, and had signage everywhere about how you couldn’t operate it with more than 4 people. I’d also been stuck in there twice already that weekend.

Each time, I called the front desk, and they were able to recall it to the ground floor, but I’d learned to be wary. I should have started taking the stairs, but was on the 8th floor and was feeling lazy.

So on Sunday morning, I waited for the elevator for quite a while. It arrives, I hop in, and a family of 5 walks up to the elevator and follows me in. They were all large people, and they all had huge suitcases.

I politely pointed out the sign and said that I’d already been stuck in the elevator twice and that we should split the group into two. They laughed and said they were all staying on. Welp, I thought, enjoy your ride. I proceeded to run up the stairs and hit the call button on every single floor.

The best part was that I could hear them complaining from the stairwell every time the elevator opened, and nobody was there. Petty revenge never felt so good. chicagojess312


71. Justice Prevails 

I used to work at Best Buy in Geek Squad, and usually, the people working the closing shifts had to clean up their departments and such. We had just gotten a new manager who was an outside hire from Circuit City. He was trying to be a hardass and flex his management powers by being meticulous about cleaning during closing duties, asking stuff like, “Did you clean UNDER the registers and Windex and dust, etc., about every little thing.

A buddy of mine I was working with and I started our closing duties a little early since the store was pretty dead that night in order to be able to leave at a reasonable hour. We pretty much wrapped up 15 minutes after the store closed, so we got the manager to do a walkthrough so we could leave.

He’s looking around, and everything seems to be in order until he looks behind some signage on a shelf and runs his finger through, picking up some dust. He has this grin on his face and lets out a little weasely laugh and says, “Looks like you guys still have some work to do.”

My buddy and I looked at each other, and we both just knew what had to be done. We cleaned the entire department from top to bottom, inside and out. Every drawer was emptied, dusted, wiped down, brochures organized. Every computer in the back was moved, and the shelves were dusted and wiped, floors were vacuumed twice, top stock was neatly arranged, every inch of the department was gone over with a fine tooth comb, twice in some spots just to take longer.

10 pm turned into midnight, everyone else was long gone except for us 3. He was looking weary and tired. Midnight turned into 2 am, and we were still going at it when he finally came out of the office red-eyed and exhausted and said, “Guys, let’s go.”

“But we still haven’t dusted under the counters and…”

“It’s fine, let’s go.” Buddy and I took our sweet time gathering our things and clocking out. We both were also off the next day, and the manager had to be in early for a conference call, so it made it all that much better. Every time he was the closing manager after that night, he never gave us trouble again, simply asking us if we were ready to go when the store closed. Justice prevails.



72. I’ve Never Been So Proud Of Myself

There’s a new truck in my apartment’s parking lot. Always taking up multiple spots, ALWAYS. Weird angles, close to the stairs, all over the place (no assigned parking, unfortunately). Months of this.

I drive a much smaller car than that, and I’m petty/passive-aggressive, so I’ve been waiting for my chance. A few days ago was my shot.

I got home quite late, and there were zero spots open in my lot. Big truck is double parked again, but there’s juuust enough room on their driver’s side for me to sneak in there with my little clown car.

I carefully pull in, making sure not to touch anything, no damage, no nothing. My passenger-side mirror is half an inch from their driver-side door. I giggled to myself all the way back to my apartment and set an alarm, and waited.

The following morning I wake up before the alarm to a loud door slamming and stomping around. I check out my window, and I see the culprit walking around both vehicles, taking pictures, texting someone, taking more pictures, I’m shaking with glee.

They then swallow their pride, let out a visual sigh, and climb in the passenger side, clamber over the center console, and Austin Powers 20 point turn their butts out of the spot. I’ve never been so proud of myself and my petty, passive-aggressive ways.



73. Mr. Franks’

I was a senior in high school at the time, and I had never been the brightest student. I was a solid C student, and I had never received a detention or had any kind of bad student record.

Mrs. Franks taught algebra, which is my worst subject, so naturally, I had issues understanding the lessons and would ask questions frequently. To some, these questions are easily answered, but to me, it was rocket science.

In Mrs. Franks’ case, she would belittle me in front of everyone by saying things such as: “And here comes the slow boy again”; “Wow, surprise, surprise, you don’t understand it again”; “Really? We have to go extra slow for you today, don’t we?”

I tried going to the administration about it, but they would just send someone in to examine her during class; she would act respectful and normal for one day and go back to being a monster the next. This goes on for about half the year until I had enough.

I went to the local Radio Shack, bought a recorder, and secretly recorded every insult she would throw at me. I would sometimes instigate to make up for the lost time. Go ahead, feed the fire.

The next day, when we met, I watched as the administrators went from bored to furious as I played my tape. I also watched Mrs. Franks go from confident and stuck up to realizing that she had messed up beyond repair.


74. Textbook Scam

This is a story I recall from college. As any college student is aware, textbooks have been a scam for a very long time. Some professors used it to their advantage, in fact, one professor I had assigned 5 required books for his class, 4 of which he authored or co-authored and received royalties from that we barely used.

One of my favorite professors was fed up with the college textbook scam. He authored an engineering textbook but was furious at the price the bookstores were charging students.

The publisher and the university-owned most of the rights to the textbook, so he didn’t have any control over pricing or distribution. He did find one caveat to the publisher’s contract, even though he could not reproduce and distribute printed copies of the book, or any of its contents, it didn’t say anything about “non-print” content.

So my professor hand-copied the entire text, including equations, graphs, and figures. He made copies of his handwritten textbook and passed them out at the beginning of class.

We had to hole punch and put it in a binder, but it was well worth the couple hundred dollar savings, and my professor got some revenge for the unethical practices of college textbook publishers.



75. They Gave Up After Some Time

So a while back, I was given a UGA Bulldogs flag and a flag pole to mount it on my porch. Our Homeowners Association (HOA) restrictions say that sports team flags can only be flown on a day on which the team is playing… So I put the flag up on a Saturday the Dawgs were playing but forgot to take it down until Monday.

On Friday, I get a letter from the HOA stating that I am in violation of the restriction and could be fined. Okay, fair enough, they are correct on this one. I then noticed that the date of observation was on Wednesday. I called and said that couldn’t be true because I took it down on Monday.

Instead of admitting her mistake, she lied and said that she had seen it up on Wednesday. Now I was mad. I printed off a schedule of every sporting event the Bulldogs had in every sport, even club sports, and then proceeded to fly the flag every single day there was any kind of game, match, regatta, etc., which was almost every single day.

I then started getting letters stating I was in violation again. I would call on each one and explain that the water polo team had a match or the rowing team had a regatta on those days. After about a month or two of this back and forth, they finally gave up.



76. “Screw You!”

I work for a construction company, and we do home remodeling. We have a rule here that we get to keep anything we find hidden behind the walls.

We hired this guy (we really needed a worker badly) who was a total a-hole from day one. I’ve been working for this company for five years, and this guy has only been doing construction for one year after he got fired from his accounting job for misconduct.

Anyways, he would always make fun of my clothes and my accent, and one day he went too far by telling my boss about my private Instagram account pics. He got on my phone and looked through my pictures. So I concocted a plan to get back at him.

One day I had overheard him saying that if he won the lottery, he would quit this job for not getting the “respect” he deserves. (You have to earn your respect here.) So I bought some fake gold coins online, and I put them in a metal box I found at the antique store, and waited for a chance to hide them in a wall.

Luckily, I did not have to wait long. The day he found the coins, it seemed like it was his best day ever. First thing he did when he opened the box… he called my boss a loser and immediately quit. “Bleep this place. I’m rich!”

After he quit, my boss told us that he was going to fire him anyways for always showing up late. I wish I could have seen the look on his face when he found out his buried treasure was fake. Best $40 I spent in my life.



77. This Story Went Viral

My first car was a 1984 Jeep CJ7, a pretty sweet ride for a dirt-poor teenager in the 90s. I was working midnights at a gas station and loaned it to my brother, who was taking a date to a party. I got a call around 1 am from my brother, who told me he had left the keys in the Jeep, and it was stolen. I was devastated.

I was still on the phone with my brother when the thieves pulled my Jeep into my gas station to fill up. As luck would have it, the gas gauge on my Jeep was broken and always read “empty,” and I worked at the only 24-hour gas station in the area.

I pressed the silent alarm and… proceeded to fill up my Jeep (it was a full-serve station). When the thieves were out of the truck, I saw an opportunity to slip the key out of the ignition and into my pocket. They paid for the gas and argued amongst each other about who had the keys last.

The delay was enough for the police to arrive. I had to explain the story to the officer half a dozen times before he understood. The thieves had this stunned look of disbelief on their faces I’ll never forget.

The cops were belly-laughing, telling the story to dispatch, all the while, the thieves sat in cuffs in the back of the squad car. The story made most of the major newspapers the following day.


78. Okey Dockey

Within the last 6 months, a new company came to the area, and they are primarily a west coast company. Essentially my job is to process the company’s bills and take calls from customers. Since I am taking calls, I am subject to the Quality Assurance reviews on my calls and can get a bonus depending on how well I do.

All month I have been doing fantastic on the reviews to get max bonus when my final QA review comes through. They marked me down significantly because I used the word “okey dokey,” which is relatively common in my area. They claimed that it was “jargon or slang” and that I should avoid those words.

Now, I generally change how I speak depending on the call in order to sound nicer towards customers, and in this call’s instance, I used it because I was talking to a sweet older woman who even complimented me for using the word.

After disputing it and getting the dispute denied, I instantly changed how I talked on the phone to the highest standard of professionalism I could. Now, fun fact, when someone is upset regarding an issue, speaking like you’re in a meeting with the president not only confuses them but angers them as well.

This week alone, I have made people cry, scream, and more just by talking as properly and “professionally” as I possibly could. I have also had a handful of complaints for seeming “cold.”

The quality department manager called me in for a meeting yesterday and said that I should tone down how I talk and change how I talk depending on the circumstances of the call, specifically telling me to, “use simple, friendly language more suitable for the average caller.” They then played a call where the agent used multiple “slang” words to calm the customer down as a perfect example of how a call should be handled.

The words from this agent included, “Yep,” “Alrighty,” “No problemo.” I then brought out a copy of my quality report stating that not only did I get marked down for doing exactly what they are now claiming is perfectly fine, but that it was very clear that they were marking me down simply to avoid paying a full bonus.

I took what they said and my report to the operations director today, who then had to go back and review all of the qualities monitors on me. They had to write me a check for the missing bonus. The quality manager averts her eyes every time I pass her now.



79. Corporate Greed

I was working for a financial firm: 1,800 employees, with a sales force of 200. I was one of the salesmen. We had our annual meeting in April. It was a big affair.

Most of the employees attended, and the CEO gave a big speech about how the previous year was the best in the company’s history.

The next month, May, we each submitted memos basically justifying why we should qualify for bonuses. Coming off the company’s best year ever, it should have been a slam dunk, right? June rolls around, and my bonus is zero. ZERO. But it’s not just me. It’s all over the sales floor. Less than 20% of the sales force got bonuses, and everyone was mad.

The company was facing a mutiny. It got worse when it came out that the supervisors were offered bonuses that they could determine for themselves. Only a couple – knowing their subordinates wouldn’t be getting anything – refused. My supervisor took his. So for a week or so, things on the floor came to a stop.

A lot of people just didn’t show up, and the ones that did were angry. I came in and started reading Monster.com ads at my desk. I also stopped selling anything or answering my phone.

When confronted by my boss, I told him that as soon as I got the bonus, my sales justified, I’d start working again. The following day I was sent to the regional sales manager’s office. She said she’d heard about my work stoppage and asked me to explain myself. I told her that if she heard about it from my supervisor than she already knew why I wasn’t working, and I didn’t need to explain it again.

She tried buddying up to me, being friendly, then being stern, then being angry. I kept my composure and told her that the longer the company held out on my bonus, the longer it was going to miss out on sales from my territory.

I then gave her my average daily amount of sales from the previous year, quantified what the total loss would be for a week of me not selling, and how much cheaper it would be just to pay me the money I was owed and get me back to selling.

The following day I came in, checked my emails – some of which were farewell emails from coworkers who quit over their stolen bonuses – and sat on Monster.com until I was told to go to the office of the national sales manager. He told me he understood that I was upset and could see why.

I asked him if withholding the bonuses from 80% of his sales force was his idea or someone else’s. He didn’t answer. He did tell me that I would be getting a check on Monday, and could I please go back to work now? I told him I’d be going back to my desk, but work wouldn’t start until the check was in my hand.

The next day an email went out to the entire salesforce: management had taken a look at the numbers, re-evaluated the financials, and determined that June bonuses would be issued shortly. The email also apologized for the delay and reminded us that as salesmen were the core of the company, and our hard work was appreciated.

I also received another email, this time from the national sales manager, who told me while bonuses were scheduled for Monday, he’d be walking my check to my desk the following day. The following day I showed up, sat down, and shortly afterward, the national sales manager walked on up and handed me my bonus check.

I thanked him and handed him my resignation, effective immediately. In my resignation letter, I requested that a check for my unused vacation time please be cut and given to me before I left the building. When he finished reading it, I told him I’d clean out my desk while I waited for the vacation check.

I learned later from coworkers that remained that even though the company issued the bonuses, they lost about 20% of the sales force in the following two months. Gotta love corporate greed.



80. Toilet Water For The Gentleman 

I worked in restaurants during college in various roles from 2003-06. Server, bartender, in the kitchen, etc. I once picked up a catering shift for an event of a few hundred people.

We had a few bars set up and a handful of food stations with people at each location to serve the guests. The rest of us were to keep the place clean by walking around and picking up glasses, plates, and trash.

We were NOT supposed to serve drinks or food, as that was handled by the people at their respective stations. As I was walking around tidying up, a man physically grabbed me by my arm (I’m a tall male) and proceeded to demand a glass of water.

I calmly told him that I wasn’t allowed to serve guests food or drink. He squeezed my arm harder and told me to get him water, and said, “Why don’t you understand what I’m asking? It’s quite simple.”

The bartender at the bar, 10 feet away, was watching this happen. I loudly asked the bartender if he had any water for the man, and he said, “Nope, no water.” I told the man there wasn’t any water and I’m sorry. He wouldn’t accept this and told me, “You can go find water, and I will stand here and wait.”

I went to the bar, grabbed a glass of ice, had another server watch my back as I scooped water out of the toilet. I put the glass on a tray, added a paper napkin, a lime slice, and a straw before going back to the man.

I handed him the water and apologized for the inconvenience. I watched as he drank the glass of water. He handed me the empty glass and told me, “See, that wasn’t so hard?!”

I told him I know where to get him water if he wanted more later on. Turns out he was the man that paid for us to be at the event and owned the venue. Eff that guy.



81. Have Some More Snow

I live in New Jersey, and we just had a snowstorm, so I thought I could make some quick cash by shoveling driveways. I start off and do a couple of houses and make about $80 (pretty good money for me). So I go to this house, and this lady says that she will give $50 for shoveling her driveway and sidewalk.

I finish about 20 minutes later. I go up to the door and knock, but she won’t open, so I go to the back door and knock she still doesn’t open. Then I see her looking at me through the window, but she quickly turns away and pretends like nothing happened.

At this point, I realize that I just got tricked into doing a ton of work, and I’m not getting paid. I start to walk home and then remember that my friend who lived down the street has one of those machines that clear snow. (Let the revenge begin).

I borrow it from him and run down to her house. I turn it on and blast that snow that I shoveled and some more all over her yard. Then she rushes outside and starts yelling at me, but I return the machine to my friend’s house and go home.



82. Park In My Driveway? We’ll See About That

Back when I was in high school (let’s say about 1966 or 1967), my family lived not too far from Colorado Boulevard in Pasadena, where the Rose Parade occurs every January 1. Huge crowds of people showed up, and parking could get congested.

On January 1, someone actually parked in our driveway; didn’t ask permission, just parked, locked, and left.

Fortunately, in those days, car door locks could be opened with a straightened metal clothes hanger (~1-meter long heavy gauge wire with a hook at one end) inserted between the frame and the window, hooked around the lock pushbutton, and the button lifted. So we unlocked the car, pushed it into the middle of the street (don’t remember having any difficulty with the steering wheel lock, so I guess the car didn’t have one), relocked it, and went inside.

Should mention that street had two lanes in each direction, plus a turning lane in the center; car left in turning lane. Car was towed.



83. Revenge On A Traffic Line-Cutter

So this morning, traffic is totally backed up due to a fender bender at a construction zone. Karen decides to blast by everyone in the left-hand-only turn lane and force her way in the upfront. She has an older Ford SUV, covered in dents and road rash.

Lots of middle fingers and horns express their displeasure at her move. She ends up right next to me. I hatch my evil plan. I roll down my window and honk at her. She ignores me. So, I wave at her nicely and point to her back tire. Then I motion to her to roll down her window.

‘Your tire is really low! You might want to pull over to the gas station and put some air in it! Here, I’ll let you in front of me!’ She smiles, says thanks, and pulls into the gas station. I drive off as she’s getting out to check her perfectly fine tire.

The gas station exit is right where the accident was, it probably added 20 minutes to her commute to pull in there and try to get back out.



84. Sleep Well

So, this neighbour and I have known each other for more than ten years now. She would sometimes come by to borrow ingredients or some other kitchen stuff when she didn’t have what she needed.

Her dad would regularly say hello on the street, her brother and I would tinker together on our motorcycles. Just normal friendly neighbour stuff.

Then one day last year, I noticed, by accident, that she had kicked me out of her Facebook friends list. Well, ok then. Life happens. She would still wave hello when we saw each other in person, so who knows what went on?

Tonight though, I saw her take the same bus home as I did. When our stop came, she was fast asleep. And she was still sleeping when the bus drove off. Hope she has some nice dreams, it will be at least an hour before the next bus comes back from where she is headed.

Edit: to those saying that I should have been kind to her: After all those years of helping her whenever she needed help, I asked her for some help in return, once. I had locked myself out of the building and wrote her to ask if she could open the door.

She never answered, but the next day she had kicked me out of her friends list. Had to wait for some 4-5 hours outside in the cold that day until another neighbour went through.



85. No Parking Means No Parking

I’m moving out of my apartment this week, and I rented one of those curbside drop-off/pick-up moving crates. My city requires that you get a permit for the street ($40) and provides ‘no parking’ signs so the crate can be loaded and unloaded.

I hung the no parking signs along my designated space well before the crate arrived. Lo and behold, some student with out-of-state plates parks in my space. I call the cops, and they ticket the car.

After my crate arrives, the car returns and parks again in the no parking zone. At the same time a landscaping company sets up a no-parking zone overlapping my zone.

Now there are multiple no parking signs tacked up by the offending car. The landscapers are angry, as the car is in their way, so we hatch a plan together. Since we both have permits for no parking zones, we both call the cops separately.

The offending car ends up with several more tickets. Additionally, I flag down a meter maid and let them know that the car has been in the spot for more than two hours (limit for non residents). Another $40 ticket.

By the end of the day, this dumb student had five tickets on his windshield. No parking means no parking!



86. Don’t Park On Our Property

Back when I was a wee kid, we lived across from a popular public pool on a tiny street, so parking was premium. One afternoon coming home from school, this person had the audacity to park IN our driveway, IN our garage… My dad was dumbfounded.

We went over and put a message out, and this woman in her 30s came over in a huff and said she would fix it when she had finished her exercise routine. So my dad just parked behind her, and we went out for dinner for 4 hours or so.

She was pissed, but the story does not end there. She kept doing it. Usually, 2-4 times a month. Eventually, my Dad would not think twice about parking her in and letting her out at his own leisure.

No problem by us, lots of problems by her. She once called the police on us, to which they just told her to not park on private property and wrote her a citation. But wait, there’s more.

One Saturday morning, she had the gall to block us in our own driveway. Dad had had enough. He made sure she was doing her laps, grabbed a coat hanger, jimmed the car open, and dismantled the passenger seat.

Taking it out and leaving it on the curb in front of the pool exit. He then sat on our front deck, sipping his tea as she came out of the pool to get her car.

She walked passed the passenger seat without a second glance and scowled at him as she opened her car and got in. She then did a double take as she went to put her bag on the seat. She freaked out, realising that my Dad had had access to her car and belongings this entire time and done nothing about it until now. She ran over, grabbed her seat, put it in the boot, and drove off. Never heard from her again.



87. Return Your Cart, Always

First off, I’m handicapped. My mom and I stop by a busy grocery store, where the handicap spots are usually always full… Just as we’re turning in to park, some lady decides that the best place to leave her shopping cart is smack dab in the middle of said spot.

I look around to see that there are TWO cart pens nearby. My mom honks at the lady, and she turns to look at me. I point at the cart, but she just keeps walking and gets into her car. So her car is almost directly behind us, and the way we’re situated blocks her from getting out of her spot. Instead of pulling up to the cart, removing it, and finishing parking, my mom slowly disembarks and returns the cart to its respective spot.

At this point, I can see the lady getting impatient. She even tries to back up and squeeze through to no avail. When my mom gets back in, I remind her of her unanswered texts.

We get some laughs in, and we finally decide to pull up into the spot and let her through, but just as we move, a nearby car starts to back up, blocking her in yet again. From her side view mirror, I can see that she’s fuming at this point. When she finally gets out, she speeds out of the parking lot.



88. They Were Not Amused 

So, driving down my parents’ back lane to pick up my two daughters, 20 feet from my parents’ driveway, a truck is sitting with its flashers on sitting in the middle of the back lane, blocking the whole road.

I sit for a bit, waiting for her to move, and the lady yells at me, ‘I have my flashers on, I’m going to be 10 minutes, go around the block.’ I would have had to pull a U-turn in a back lane, drive 500 feet, take two left turns, drive 600 feet, two more left turns, 100 more feet to get into the parking spot that was now 20 feet away from me.

The two ladies in the truck were unloading groceries from the back of the truck at a very cumbersome pace. So I respond, ‘Can you pull ahead 20 feet or pull into the empty driveway (yes, they had a spot they could have pulled into) to let me pass?’ To which she responds, ‘No, my flashers are on, I have 10 minutes to unload.’

I was having none of this nonsense, so I turn my car off, put my flashers on, go to my parents’, get my mom’s keys, reverse her car into the back lane, and put her flashers on.

I now have my vehicle and my mom’s vehicle blocking them in. They are finishing their unloading of groceries and start to go off on me, saying they will call a tow truck and so on, and several other verbal abuses, to which I respond, ‘My flashers are on, I’ll only be 10 minutes.’

I moved the car five minutes later, the people in question were not amused.



89. My Dormmate Revenge Story

I live in a college dorm on an all-female floor. I usually wear a bra if leaving the dorm building, but I’m not going to put on a bra under my shirt just to walk down the hall to the bathroom.

A few days ago, I left my room and walked 10 yards down the hall to the water fountain, refilled my water bottle, and went back to my room. I was wearing a white tank top and no bra (the tank top was fitted but not see-through, so you could only see the outline of my nips).

There was a small group of people hanging out in the hall outside a few of the rooms, but I didn’t think much of it… until around half an hour later, when I got a knock on the door from one of the girls I’d seen in the hall.

She said something to the effect of, ‘Hey, so sorry to ask you this, but if you go out into the hall again, could you put a bra on? My boyfriend’s out there, and he was staring a little, so…’ I’m super non-confrontational, so I was like, ‘Yeah, sure, sorry about that!’ and for the rest of that night, anytime I left my room, I put a bra or sweater on. And that was the end of it. Or so I thought.

The next day, my roommate told me she’d overheard the girl telling a few of her friends about the incident while in the bathroom. She said the girl was making it sound like I’d been purposely trying to seduce her boyfriend, wearing basically nothing, taking my time at the water fountain, posing to push out my tits, the whole works.

When she left the bathroom, my roommate said the girl was actually acting it out at the water fountain, pretending to be me.

That night, I passed the girl and some of her friends on my way to go brush my teeth (I wasn’t wearing a bra, I was already in pajamas). The girl looked pointedly down at my chest, and all of them started giggling.

But the last straw was when the entire dorm got an email from the RA yesterday, saying she’d gotten some anonymous complaints about people dressing inappropriately in the hallways and asking that we all just make sure we’re keeping things covered up.

So here’s where I got my petty little revenge: I knew that the girl’s boyfriend doesn’t go to college here (the girl and I were in the same orientation group and chatted a bit back then). I also knew that due to the pandemic, we aren’t allowed to have non-student/family guests in the dorms this year. So I used the same anonymous complaint form to issue a complaint about people bringing their off-campus boyfriends into our dorm and them not wearing a mask (masks are mandatory in the hallways, although not frequently enforced.)

This morning, the RA emailed again, saying that due to anonymous complaints, they’d be enforcing the no off-campus guests rule by checking IDs of unfamiliar guests to make sure they were students from then on.

Really, this girl should be thanking me. If she was concerned about her boyfriend seeing the vague outline of my tits in the dorm hallways, she no longer needs to worry!



90. I Trapped Them

The elementary school that my kids attended had serious parking issues. There were very few available parking spots, so the school decided they would put 2 front row spots up for auction. The winner would have a reserved parking spot for the entire school year.

I won a spot, and the school even put up a ‘RESERVED for KarizmaWithaK’ sign. One day, I arrived to pick up my kids, and someone was parked in MY spot. They were sitting in their car, so I got out of mine and knocked on their window and told them they were parked in my reserved spot, and could they please move.

They refused. So I blocked them in and went to get my kids, and we took our sweet time gathering coats and lunchboxes, of course, I needed to discuss things with their teachers, and the whole time, I could see the asshole in my spot getting angrier and angrier, but there was nothing they could do and no way for them to exit the parking spot.

Other parents kept going up to them to tell them they were parked in someone’s reserved spot, and just about every kid who went by yelled,’ That’s not your parking spot!’ and now the parking offender was the center of a lot of unwanted attention which made them pretty pissy, and they got out and complained to the principal who read them the riot act.

I still kept them trapped for about another 15 minutes as I wasn’t in a hurry to be anywhere, and there wasn’t anything they could do about it.



91. Never Brag About Your Crimes

I started renting a house about 5 years ago. I had always lived in apartments, and I was excited to finally have some space and privacy. This was ruined within the first week by my jerk neighbor, who made my 4 years at that house miserable.

He’s in his late 40s or early 50s, and despite seeming like a fully functional adult, he has never lived outside of his parents’ home. He spends every possible minute cleaning or admiring his truck, so he practically lives in the driveway.

When he isn’t bragging about some dumb move that he just pulled on someone, he is hitting on the wives and daughters of anyone on the street.

I moved in during the winter and started noticing footsteps in my yard in the morning. I found out that he was walking into my yard to look in my windows and see what I was watching/playing at night.

I bought a simple security system and put a few cameras up, and this stopped. Then he started mowing my side yard. He would mow it the day after I did.

I asked my landlord about this and was told that Mike (the creepy neighbor) considered it his property and kept arguing about the property line. It’s just grass, so I let it go. If I had guests over, he would stare at them and sometimes make comments when I wasn’t around to hear him.

If I was in the backyard, he would have a reason to be in his backyard. If I was in the house or the front yard, he was in his driveway, where he could see into my living room. It came to a head when I caught him sending his dog into my front yard one morning instead of letting it out into his fenced-in backyard like he normally would.

I told him to stay on his side of the property line, and he said that he was going to break into my house and smash my cameras and computer. Cops were called, and he got off with a warning. Last fall, I told my landlord that I was going to move out.

During the conversation, I found out that Mike was on workers comp for an “injury” that he got at work and that he was now bragging about how he was using his workers’ comp checks to set up his own under-the-table landscaping business.

I waited for a day when he had his new work truck and trailer, with his name and number on the door, and I made a video of him working on his yard and carrying 50 bags of mulch and climbing ladders. I sent videos and pictures to the fraud department of the workers’ comp office.

Today I just found out that he was found guilty of fraud, ordered to pay back every dollar, and may end up in jail. I am happily living in a new place that has a lot of land between me and the neighbors.




92. Want To Steal My Customers? I’ll Point Them Right To You

I am a hairdresser who rents a booth in a salon, as do all the stylists that work there. The owner of the salon is one of my best friends, so after closing the salon that I operated for 20 years, I joined her team and am really happy.

I have a wonderful clientele except a few (which I’ll get to in a bit), and I get along great with my co-workers except one, Kate. She has a grating personality, and for the most part, I can just let her comments roll off my back. She doesn’t have a clientele which leads to her having way too much free time, which she uses by pestering the rest of us while we are with our clients and butting into conversations that should be private.

Recently I had two of my clients tell me that when they called for appointments, they were told that I didn’t have time for them and that Kate would give them a discount if they came in with her instead, but they would have to come in on a day that I wasn’t there so that my feelings wouldn’t my get hurt.

Well, that a load of kaka because everyone in the salon knows that if I don’t have an opening for someone when they call, they are to take down the name so I can call them personally to work them in. When I confronted Kate about those instances, she just shrugged and said that I was too sensitive and besides I was too busy, so she was really just helping me out.

Onto the petty revenge- I have a few customers that I have been trying to get rid of for years. You know the ones- they are never happy, always late, don’t tip, and generally APITB.

I decided that if she wanted my customers so bad, I would feed her the ones that I wanted to get rid of anyway. So when they had trouble getting in with me, I would tell them that I was booked out for months, but they would be really happy with Kate. She told me yesterday that she didn’t know why all my rude customers were her problem now.

My days are better, it’s a bit easier for my customers to book with me, and she is always in a bad mood for having to deal with unhappy customers so much of her day. Plus, a couple of my other co-workers have started doing the same.



93. I Killed That Dryer

I used to live in a dinky apartment complex with a bad dryer in the laundry room that was always marking up my clothes. All my light-colored stuff came out of the dryer with black marks all through them, marks that wouldn’t come out.

The apartment manager knew about it (there were many complaints besides my own) but would never do anything about it.

I took a cue from a book I read as a kid called Get Even: the Encyclopedia of Dirty Tricks and dumped a cheese pizza into it with a fistful of quarters. Killed that dryer dead, and within a week, we had a new one.



94. Don’t Mess With My Sleep, Shirley

For context, I’ve been in the hospital for 3weeks, have a brain condition, and have repeated migraines. So this woman in the bed next to me spent the whole day playing her iPad and music and programs proper loud. This was up until 10 pm. Oh, and it was the same 3 Lewis Capaldi songs.

I asked her to turn it down. She turned it up. So I played the screaming sheep on repeat by the gap in her curtain. Pushed the table up to it. Her tablet hasn’t been on today. It’s peaceful.

Oh, and I was given her breakfast by accident. I ate it.



95. The Kidnapper 

My ex-wife kidnapped my Daughter and went to Germany to live with her parents. After $50,000, 5 lawyers (in 2 countries), the State Department, Center for Missing and Exploited Children, and lots of anxiety, I got my Daughter back and had a lethal court case against my ex.

I chose to drop the charges because I didn’t want my Daughter to have a Mom that was in jail. (The County decided to drop the kidnapping charges if she agreed to return to the USA).

I could have had anything I wanted from that court case, but all I asked for was 50/50 influence on custody, education, health, and life decisions. That’s all I was asking for originally before my ex left in the first place.

Now my ex is married and has become super-religious. I have taught my Daughter to be accepting of others’ beliefs but to question EVERYTHING. She thinks her Mom is nuts. My Daughter is awesome.



96. I Got A Little Something Back

A few years back, I had my identity stolen right in the middle of a mental health crisis. I was already stressed out and overwhelmed by life, and the identity theft just made everything worse. Suddenly random purchases like iPhones and laptops were showing up on my bills, purchases I had never made.

The identity thief opened credit cards with my identity, bank accounts, you name it. The authorities were, of course, no help, and I felt very alone in this twisted game of whack-a-mole, where every time I thought I had fixed one problem, another popped up.

I even had a rental car company come after me, as the thief had rented a car in my name and then stolen it. Of course, this was a blow to my credit as well, and resolving the whole thing was enormously stressful.

Eventually, I had frozen my accounts, contested the charges, canceled the credit cards, and followed all of the appropriate steps. All that was left to do was close the fraudulent bank account.

When I went to do so, however, I was met with a snag. I explained the situation to the bank (which was not a bank I personally used) and requested they close the account. They told me that they could not just delete the account, however, as there was money still in it (approximately $800), which would need to be withdrawn.

I explained that that wasn’t technically my money, and they replied that the account could not be closed with the money remaining inside. An account that “I” opened, in which “I,” Corvidias, put “my” money. So guess who’s $800 richer? After all the identity thief took from me, it seemed like appropriate recompense (and only fair) to take a little something back.



97. The Crazy Girl

When I was in high school, there was this guy who had a girl from three grades below that had a massive obsessive crush on him. She would even go with her mom and stalk him at his workplace. Everyone in my grade knew about that girl and her obsession.

So one day, I overheard that he had changed his number since she would not stop calling and texting him. So one day he called me something really mean (I can’t remember what anymore), so in the next period, I asked one of his closest friends to lend me her phone cause I had forgotten mine at home and I needed to call my mom.

I went to the bathroom, looked for the guy’s new number on the cellphone lent to me, and texted another friend of mine: “This is the guy’s new number, let “crazy girl” have it.”

I kid you not, when I returned from the bathroom, I sat at my desk, and his phone rang. He picked it up, then he realized it was her, threw his phone on the ground, and started cursing and blaming his group of friends.

Never had a clue I was the one who did it. I guess it was pretty petty, but I had fun that day.



98. Don’t Touch My Kid’s Space

My daughter’s school has their names on pegs to hang coats up. Sometimes when I drop her off, another parent or carer hangs their coat and bag on her peg. I could tell the teacher, but I’m a grown-ass man.

Being a grown-ass man and having endured people hiding my stuff through my school life and not particularly liking it, I drop that stuff on the floor and hang my kid’s stuff where it belongs.

It’s not mature, and I’m not proud of it, but if the parents have a problem, they can tell whoever wants to listen. Hang your stuff on the right peg, don’t touch my kid’s space.



99. Always Lock Your Phone

Was hit by a car while riding my bicycle. My backpack exploded, and stuff was thrown everywhere. Witnesses helped me gather everything, and the police showed up. Someone took a bunch of pictures of the scene on their phone while EMS and police did their thing.

Not a bad accident, only bumps, and scrapes. The bike was totaled, though. When they asked for my phone number so they could text the pics to me, I realized I didn’t have my phone.

In fact, it was nowhere. I call my wife (using a witness’s phone), and she is hysterical. Someone stole my phone and was texting her saying: “I found this guy’s phone at a car accident, and he has a lot of calls and texts to you, so I’m trying to get his phone back to him, but I need $50. Looks like he buys a lot of stuff on Amazon, so he can afford $50. YOLO.”

Now I was at the accident site for over an hour, and these texts were all sent during this time. So after calming my wife down, we play along and find that the girl who is extorting me for my phone works at some burger place downtown. She gave us the address and said I can come in to make the exchange.

Yeah, I showed up with the police, who responded to the accident. The girl was furious, yelling about how she deserves a reward for finding my phone, etc. I pressed charges but eventually dropped them when I found out that she was fired for her conduct. Also, I now lock my phone.



100. How I Dealt With An Entitled Mom

When my kids were preschoolers, we spent every summer morning at the pool. I had a bag full of toys that I took with us so that they could keep themselves amused.

In July, a mom and her preschooler started coming to the pool. My kids were cool sharing their toys since this kid had none with him. Cool, that is, until after about two weeks, when he started demanding my kids’ special toys that they were playing with.

The entitled mom looks up from her book and starts berating my children for being mean and not sharing. She tells them to give their toys to her son. I reached over and took her book. When she asked me what on earth I was doing and told me to give it back to her, I responded with her own words.

‘Why was she being so mean? She should share.’ She lost her mind. I just kept on responding that what is good for adults is good for kids. So if she believes my kids are not entitled to the private use of their own property and are mandated to share with others, then she believes the same goes for her.

She couldn’t have it both ways. I asked her to choose a way she wanted to live. She packed up in a huff and we never saw her again.



101. Emma vs. Sarah

Last summer, I was at a cousin’s wedding. His bride and her family had been close with ours since before I was born, and the couple had known each other since they were toddlers, so it was a particularly exciting event for both sides of the family.

However, after the ceremony was over and the party had started, one of the bridesmaids decided to announce her own engagement. The attention was immediately taken away from the newlyweds and brought to the bridesmaid (who I’ll call Sarah) and her equally-smug fiancé.

My cousin’s wife (I’ll call her Emma) didn’t make a scene or utter a single negative word about Sarah. She looked like she was on the verge of tears, but she kept grinning and acted very happy for the other couple.

Sarah later picked Emma to be the maid of honor at her own wedding, which took place last weekend (I wasn’t there for it, but my cousin sent me some of the best bits on Snapchat and explained the whole situation). This is where the fun begins.

Emma’s two much-younger sisters were the flower girls at Sarah’s wedding. At the very last moment, Emma switched out the white petals in their baskets to the blue ones she had secretly brought with her. She told her sisters not to say anything about it or let the bride see them until it was time to scatter them down the aisle.

Sarah looked very confused upon seeing the blue petals (which didn’t coordinate whatsoever with her theme), but of course, she didn’t say anything about it at the moment. Most of Sarah’s other bridesmaids were also Emma’s friends, had attended Emma’s wedding, and were in on Emma’s scheme.

At the reception, Emma’s sisters and the other bridesmaids were tight-lipped when Sarah began demanding to know why there were blue petals. The wedding planner ended up getting a lot of abuse for not checking the flower girls’ baskets before they walked down the aisle.

Finally, it was time for the speeches. The speeches took place in front of a massive screen, displaying a loop of photos of Sarah and her husband, which had been compiled by Emma. Emma took the remote that controlled the presentation screen, and at first, she showed some pre-approved humorous photos of

Sarah with Emma and other friends to facilitate a couple of lighthearted jokes. Then, at the very end, Emma said to Sarah that she must be wondering why there were blue petals instead of the white ones originally planned. That was when Emma displayed the last slide from her presentation.

Emma announced in front of everyone that she was five months pregnant and that she’d just discovered the baby was a boy, hence the blue petals. The last slide? Her ultrasound picture. There were shocked yells and gasps, Sarah had a fit, but those involved in the scheme cheered so loudly.

Apparently, Sarah had been very nasty to her bridesmaids before, driving several of them away and forcing the others to pay ridiculous amounts of money for dresses. Emma and my cousin were eventually thrown out of the party, but they were all smiles. Sarah’s fuming mother went to confront her outside, and Emma retorted with, “Gentle, gentle! I’m pregnant!”



102. Jonathan

Throughout my time in my 1st and 2nd-grade classes in school, there was a classmate named Jonathan who would torture…me daily. From name-calling, pushing me, and ridiculing me in front of other classmates. This boy was an absolute nightmare.

It all came to a head one day when we’re sitting across from each other at some tables and he asks to see my hand. I hold out my hand on the desk, and he proceeds to slam a pencil into my thumb. (Leaving a permanent mark I have to this day). This incident was reported but he was only “spoken to”. The bullying still continued.

Fast forward a few weeks, and I’m walking throughout the school playground during recess. Being the dumb kid I was, I wasn’t particularly watching where I was going and walked straight into some monkey bars. The force was enough to topple me backwards and flat onto my but.

Humiliated, I looked around and was thankful that no one witnessed this happen. Once recess was over, and I was back in class, the teacher gasped and asked what happened to my face.

There was a gigantic bruising/black eye forming on my eye. Without hesitation, I blurted out, “Jonathan punched me!” He yelled out that he didn’t, but I quickly had a rebuttal. “How else would I have got this?” He was suspended for a week. He never messed with me again.



103. Beer Bong With Urine In It

There was this dude who I played football with when I was a freshman in high school who decided it would be a good idea to pour his milk all over my school lunch. Being less than confrontational as a kid, I merely got up from my seat and walked away.

The summer after we graduated (he had transferred to another school in the meantime), I went to a bonfire at a mutual friend’s house, and everyone was getting pretty hammered.

I brought a beer bong, and toward the end of the night, I pissed in it, then put a couple of cans of beer in it. Then I bet him he couldn’t bong a full funnel. He took the bait and drank it all down. He asked why it tasted so warm, and everyone just figured it was from the beer sitting near a bonfire in summer.

It was very petty and certainly not something I was proud of doing afterward, but I was pretty drunk, and he was always a huge prick. If I ever run into him again, I might tell him just to see his reaction.



104. I Got To Be Nice And Petty At Once

This happened many years ago, but I heard the theme song from the movie just now, and the memory came flooding back. I had gone to see a popular movie by myself, got to the theater in plenty of time, and sat down.

Theater starts to fill up, and soon the only available seats are single seats here and there, including the one next to me. I notice a man, one row ahead of me, that has an empty seat on either side if him, as well as the seat in front of him, so yes, he had a prime seat.

A couple comes in, and they start looking for two seats together. They notice the man in the row in front of mine and his empty seats on either side and politely ask if he would move one seat over so they could sit together. He refused. This rubbed me the wrong way. Granted, I would have hated to lose the luxury of empty seats around me in a crowded theater too, but if I only paid for one seat, I’m only entitled to one seat.

So I asked the couple if they would like my seat and the empty seat next to mine, and I would move to a single empty seat. A couple gratefully accepted, and I moved to the seat in front of the entitled patron. I got to be nice (to the couple) and petty in the same action, not bad!



105. I Remembered His Blog

A decade ago, I was working behind the bar I own one night, a Sunday night which meant a mandatory midnight close in my city.

We did the last call at 11:30 and made sure anyone who need a drink had one. A rather drunk fellow ignored me when I asked if he needed anything, so I closed him out.

At midnight as the lights go up and the music dies, he turned to me and asked for one more beer. I said no, we are now closed. This dude lost his mind. Started shouting at me about the bad service and how dare I deny him a drink. This happened sometimes with a mandatory midnight closure.

As he was leaving, he stopped and shouted at me: “I have a blog with thousands of readers, and this is IT for this bar. I am going to review it so badly this place will be closed in a week. I hope you like being jobless.” And he left. And, to his credit, he didn’t come back for years.

I’d often see him in the neighborhood, usually very drunk late at night, but he didn’t come back to my bar. Needless to say, the bar has not closed due to a bad review in a blog.

In fact, we’ve really thrived over the last decade, and we handled COVID well while surviving the lockdown, and business has been booming.

A couple of weeks ago, the guy came back into the bar and sat down, and ordered a beer from me. I served him, he paid, I asked how he’s been, and how his blog is going. He looked at me like I was crazy. “I haven’t had a blog in years. Did you use to read it?”

“No,” I told him, “I mean, I assumed no one read it because otherwise, I’m sure we would have been forced to close due to bad service.” As I walked away, it was really clear he had no idea what I was referencing, but man, it felt good to mock him to his face.



106. Don’t Touch My Stuff

In fourth grade, I was really into paper plane making. I even bought this book of all the world records holding paper planes and would read it every day. I had just moved to America and wore very tacky clothing, so I was made fun of a lot.

So one day, I copied the design of the paper plane that had the record for the longest time in the air (13.2 seconds or something) and threw it around the playground. It was in the air for 14 seconds!

As I rushed to pick it up, though, this asshole 5th grader came out and stepped on it. Now I was a tiny brown Indian kid, and he was a big hockey-playing 5th grader, but the anger took over me. I punched him in the face, he bled, and I ran away, thinking I was in trouble. He never mentioned it to anyone, though, and was always nice to me throughout middle school and high school.



107. He’s Banned For Life

This man, I see him at the gym all the time, he has never bothered me until yesterday. I see him constantly stopping people and talking to them. So I’m in the sauna, and it’s a coed sauna, I’m in there with men/women all the time sometimes we don’t talk, and sometimes we have pleasant conversations.

Yesterday was a different story it was me and one other woman and the man who I see all the time. He is not just talking but yelling, talking to the woman nonstop, talking about his 450K house he just bought, and going on and on and on about himself.

The woman barely got in a word rather than “yes”’”mhhm” She left, and I thought to myself, I’m so happy she’s gone so he can be quiet. He turns to me, and he says, “SO how YOU doin today?” I say, “ I’m trying to relax right now,” he says, “Oh do you mean you want me to shut up?”

“All I did was ask how you were doing?” “It seems like you just don’t want to talk to me,” I say nothing. He is huffing and puffing, and before he walks out, he goes, “You b-word” I say, “You cannot cuss at me and make me feel uncomfortable in the sauna I’m telling on you.”

He goes, “I didn’t cuss at you!” I go to the front desk and tell them they are apologetic. They have the lifeguard look for him, and they can’t find him. I tell them I have work soon and need to get ready I shower and I’m leaving the lady at the front desk stops me to tell me that they can’t find him, he hasn’t left, and they think he’s hiding somewhere in the pool room.

Moral of the story they called me this morning and told me he is banned for life. Now I’m on my way to the gym and going to the sauna!



108. I Taught My Boss A Lesson

I made my old boss think I gave him herpes…I worked in an icky factory for a while, and my boss was mean. He would fire people for no reason, then go home and beat your wife kind of person. He was also untouchable due to his uncle owning the company. He would come down to the floor while we were on break to check our work, and he would use my gloves to do it. Made us buy our own gloves, I bought really nice comfy ones.

Thought this was extremely nasty (it was the middle of summer) and asked him to stop, he just shrugged. After about three happenings, I got an idea. I grabbed an old pair of gloves, a poison ivy leaf, and a hammer. Put the poison ivy in the glove and pounded away. Kept the gloves in a bag in my lunchbox till I went to lunch.

Sure enough, left the poison gloves out, and he used them. I came back, and sure enough, he used them.

Two hours later, he came out to my machine, itching like crazy and with red bumps all over his hands. Came right up to me, let me see your hands! I showed him my hands, he showed me his. “You didn’t use my gloves, did you, I got some terrible rash on my hands from some slut at the strip club last week!”

No words, no looks, he just left. He left work, went to the dr, and I hope told that exact story.



109. His Loss

For context, I’m a 21-year-old gay male. I and I recently quit my job. Now, I don’t know if this is the right spot to post, but I think you guys will get a kick out of this. I have lung problems. I can’t have too much movement. Otherwise, I’d start having problems breathing.

Well, 3 hours ago I left my job for reasons. My boss was a selfish person that didn’t care for people. He hated me the most. For taking “too many off days,” although I only had 2 in a span of three years.

Yesterday was my last straw. I came back from being off for three days. Since I was spending time with my brother before he died. My boss called me. “Ian (not my real name), why were you out for 3 days?” I explained that my brother died and wanted to spend 3 days with him.

“Not a good reason. Miss one more day. YOU. ARE. FIRED.” I sigh. “Then I quit. You don’t let me do my job. I would rather quit than deal with you. I’m outta here.” I don’t stand up to myself at all, but this is my first time meaning I felt proud. I’m a tech person, so he lost a lot.



110. I Got Her Fired

I once worked with a woman who accused me of doing something I didn’t do, and I got fired for it because she was friends with the manager and the manager took her word over mine.

Ten years later, I went to 7-11 to talk to my friend who was the manager there, and I see that same woman working there. So when my manager friend and I went outside, I told him I’d buy him lunch and a case of beer if he fired her.

A week later, he told me that he wanted to go to dinner at Outback and a case of Labatt because he just fired that woman. Worth it.


Retail In Asia

111. No More Spoilers

My boyfriend and I play Zelda: Breath of the Wild together. I am a “take your time and enjoy the ride” kind of gal, while he is a “let’s look up how to beat this game right now” kind of guy. Because his way ruins all the fun, we came up with a rule: No looking up spoilers!

We were looking for a particular challenge (The Eight Heroine side quest for my fellow Zelda nerds) for a very long time. Suddenly, my boyfriend said: “I did something bad… I looked up where to go. I’m so sorry. I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

I told him it was fine but that he could not tell me what he had seen. He agreed. I then excused myself to the bathroom and looked up the location as well.

I then spent the next HOUR AND A HALF wandering SOOOO close to the location without ever making it there. I could see him squirming around in his seat every time I got close.

When I jumped off the cliff the statue was built into, gliding down to the base of the statue and continuing on without turning around to look at it, I thought he was going to explode. He was clenching his hair in both fists and biting his lower lip, trying to contain himself.

That’s when I caved and told him what I had done. He thought it was hilarious and told me about how he wanted more than anything to yell, “TURN AROUND!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!” We had a good laugh about it. He hasn’t looked up a spoiler since!




112. I Got Revenge On My Wife

My wife hijacked(not hacked) my Facebook when I left myself logged in. She posted a bunch of “I love Justin Beiber” pictures and stuff. The next time she left her Facebook logged-in, I left her a subtle message not to mess with me.

Of course, she comes across my computer, still logged in, and decides to have a little more fun. Posts something else about how I supposedly have a strong affection for the ‘Biebs. Bad move.

The next day I find her account still logged in. I changed her relationship status to “single.” I changed her employer to a well-known local strip club. I made several other devious alterations to her profile and then changed her language preference to German to delay her ability to reverse the changes I made.

The angry phone call I received while at work was amazing. She cursed me for what I did, followed by her admission that she deserved it and it was beyond escalation. She proposed a truce, which I accepted, and I walked into my office the next day a hero (since everyone followed the “feud”).



113. I Got My Boss’s Job

I was working for an advertising agency, a pretty big one. When I started out, I had a manager who was one of the most unethical managers I’ve ever dealt with. He’d order his sales reps to do things that would increase his bonuses (which are based on margins).

I was the guy that refused his demands. He would tell me to cheat my clients and I would refuse. He would get mad. I wouldn’t care. This went on for quite a while.

Now, I live in a one-party consent state which means so long as I’m aware a conversation is being recorded I can record it without informing the other party. I had just upsold my largest client making him even larger…but I didn’t sell the products my boss wanted me to sell. He demanded I switch things around. I refused.

I told him I sold the client XYZ that’s what we agreed to, I’m not going to change that without the customer’s permission. His exact words were: “[Bleep] the customer, this is your largest client I need him on ABC or I’m not going make my number.”

“I’m sorry, but you and I both know ABC isn’t right for this client and that’s why he didn’t buy it.”

“You’re fired. If you can’t follow instructions, you’re fired.” After confirming he was dead serious, I said, “If you do that, I’ll have your job by the end of the month.”

Sure enough, the next morning, I’m locked out of all our systems. I call tech support and they tell me I’ve been fired. So who do I call? I call our Regional Vice President and tell him I have several recordings I think he should listen to.

Remember my boss ordering me to do unethical things wasn’t uncommon. So I meet up with my RVP and play six different recordings that I had saved showing my manager was pushing his agents to break the law.

The RVP leaned back in his chair, and let out a sigh knowing he had to fire my manager. At which point I asked for my job back. He agreed that I would get my job back and asked me to take the week off and call him on Monday.

That Monday I come into our morning meeting. The RVP was there, and he informed the entire team that my boss had been fired and why. He also mentioned that if anyone wanted to apply for his job there was now an opening.

So I applied for it, and after 3 rounds of interviews, I got my promotion! I was right; I did have my boss’s job by the end of the month.




114. Parking Wars

My old neighborhood was really tight on parking. It was in central Austin and during the pandemic, thousands of quasi-rich douchebags from California moved in.

My across-the-street neighbor was one of them and would leave his car parked in front of my house for weeks at a time. He had a maid and nanny, and they must have instructed them to always park in front of the neighbors’ houses, too because they always did.

It was infuriating. I (very nicely) asked him to maybe not do that and he was like ‘It’s not against the law’ in a super condescending tone.

Little did he know… I own a moving and logistics company, lol. I have a fleet of work trucks. I put my rattiest 26-foot U-Haul-style box truck right in front of the Joe Brogans house for days.

He came storming over. ‘I’m not breaking any laws’ He called the police, they told him the same thing. I told him (not very nicely this time) to move back to his own side of the street from now on, or I’d start parking my trucks there on the daily. Never parked in front of my house again.



115. Don’t Mess With My Servers

A while ago, I was working for a popular restaurant chain. I was a bartender there but frequently picked up serving shifts. Often, I was responsible for training our new employees, and honestly, I preferred training them, so they knew how to do the job properly.

Anyway, one particular server that I had was this sweet boy who was great with customers and would literally bend over backward to please someone.

I don’t know if I’ve met anyone who cared about others like this since. As such, I felt particularly protective over this boy. One particular shift, I was bartending, and he was serving a larger party that had been sitting near my bar. I could overhear everything that was happening while he served them.

The lady, who I assumed was the head of the party, would not give this kid a break and was constantly talking over him, asking for things that we have never had on the menu (of course, claiming she’d had it last time), giving him attitude for these non-existent items, basic entitled customer nonsense.

I could see this server was visibly becoming flustered with the table, but unfortunately, in food, that’s what you have to learn to deal with. The turning point for me was when she snapped at the server over a birthday song.

Our establishment does not sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to tables. However, we do offer a free sundae. The server explained this, but she was not having it. He even (very politely) offered to sing but warned her it would only be him singing as the other servers likely wouldn’t join in. She was incredibly rude to him about this, and I was behind the bar, fuming.

As he finally goes to ring in their entree order, she (rudely) asks him for another mojito, saying that he hadn’t made it properly. Another thing to note is that our location is next to a hockey stadium, so based off whether we have a game or not, we’ll prepare drinks in different glasses. I hadn’t been thinking and had made the drink in the wrong glass.

Apparently, she thought she deserved more alcohol since I made a ‘mistake.’ She sent the drink back and ordered my server to tell me to give her more liquor.

One thing you never tell a bartender? Make my drink stronger. So, of course, I remade her mojito with zero alcohol, except for two drops of rum down her sip straw. She certainly enjoyed her ‘stronger’ drink and even ordered two more.

Hope you enjoyed paying almost $30 for three drinks with maybe a quarter ounce of liquor altogether. Don’t mess with my servers (or insult my drinks).



116. I Hid My Mom’s Money Around The House

You may think I was just a mean kid, which I was, but I had a reason to do what the title says. So when I was 13, I started writing about how I feel and writing songs, poems, etc. about it.

My mom being the controlling, selfish bitch she was, used to take them off me when I was asleep or at school and rip them up or hide them in her room.

When I first found out she did this, I just took them back and hid them under my bed. There was a lot of personal stuff written on them, and I didn’t want anyone reading them.

Fast forward a few weeks. I got fed up with her always hiding my things and ripping them up. So younger me decided it’ll be a good idea to hide £5 each day somewhere around the house.

The more she hid from me, the more money I hid from her. I ended up taking £60 before she realised that I was the one hiding her money. It stopped her from taking my stuff, so I was happy about it. It’s not the prettiest thing I’ve done, but I still find it funny.



117. Justice Was Served

When I got divorced, my party animal wife of 18 years had started another affair, this time with her therapist. So my lawyer and I laid a trap for them.

Just in case you don’t know, intimate relations between a therapist and patient are very frowned upon by the regulatory bodies. And I was more than a little annoyed after putting her through rehab ($25k, which I didn’t have to do) only to have her fall back into her old behavior.

Shortly before the divorce was finalized, I filed a complaint with the state body licensing health professions. Knowing they were in some peril because of their unprofessional relationship (I had already gotten him fired from a major teaching hospital), she had backed off her exorbitant demands.

I paid her a very modest settlement, kept the house, got custody of the three tweenage kids, plus got child support. Her lawyer naturally included a clause in the divorce where I had to agree to not say anything negative about her lover and their relationship.

But the lawyer messed up and never asked if I had already filed charges and thus didn’t require me to rescind them. Her lawyer had assumed I was just bad-mouthing them to neighbors and friends, and it never occurred to the lawyer that we were doing much more.

When the Board of Health Professions responded to my complaint shortly after the divorce was finalized, I told them that it would take a subpoena to get me to testify (a subpoena trumps an agreement in a divorce settlement). They were happy to oblige.

They stripped his license and placed him on a register of sanctioned health professionals. He never worked again. They were broke for a handful of years, and she divorced him when the money ran out (in the interim, his mother had died, leaving a fair-sized estate, so it took longer than I expected).

Oh, and the frosting on the cake was that his wife and I traded notes (notably hotel receipts from the time of their affair) that helped each of us in our respective divorces. Justice was served.



118. Cheating Ex Doesn’t Care About Ants In The House

This happened a few months ago. I was living with my then-boyfriend, as I had been for several months. He’d made plenty of promises to be home at certain times for plans and then would change his plans and not tell me, so I’d just be expecting him there and have to call to figure out what happened. He swore it was work so I tried to be understanding. He promised to fix things around the house, including spraying insecticide because I had noticed ants.

I seriously hate ants due to an incident when I was younger that I can’t explain because he’d know this was written by me.

He always wears shoes inside because his dogs pee everywhere since they have medical issues he can’t afford to treat, and it’s a really old place that doesn’t have ceiling lights and is entirely carpeted, so he was mostly oblivious to the ants, but it was already bad. He also kept saying that ants will go away on their own eventually and to just let it go.

When I realized he was cheating, I gave him notice that I was moving out, which resulted in him initially denying it, then becoming angry, then blaming me, then crying and begging for forgiveness. I’ve never been less attracted to someone than at that moment, and I was just angry that the only reason he was not keeping promises is because he cared more about getting laid.

So, I made 5 gal of sugar water, which I sprayed over every single inch of carpet, upholstery, bedding, under furniture, in drawers, under major appliances, on the walls, the ceiling. Every crevice imaginable.

I thought I’d never get to know the outcome, but I saw a few different pest control vehicles along the curb over the past couple of months, which was already satisfying because he is a major DIYer.

Side note, I pass his place on my way to work, I’m not a stalker, it’s just the fastest route. Then I saw a moving vehicle for him and a for sale sign. Absolutely no regrets.



119. Greedy Roommate

I had a roommate once who owned virtually nothing and used all of my stuff. I owned the TV, the Xbox, bought pizza every night for both of us, and let him use my computer because he didn’t own one.

So one day, I open the freezer and see ice cream, so I eat some, operating under the assumption that we had a more or less shared space and shared belongings.So one day, I open the freezer and see ice cream, so I eat some, operating under the assumption that we had a more or less shared space and shared belongings.

The next day, I get on my computer, and he had left his Skype open, and I find him whining on my computer about how I ate his ice cream. So I bought twenty-five pints of ice cream, filled the freezer with them, locked him out of my computer, stole all the cords to the electronics I owned so only I could use them, and only ordered personal pan pizzas. Hope he enjoyed the ice cream.




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