“My mother: “Your son is so much better behaved than you were as a child. You were horrible!” Me: “Probably because my son has better parents.” -Reddit user (deleted)
“Brother (our parent’s biological child) was talking about how he was the favorite child. My response: “Well, they picked me, got stuck with you!” He had nothing left to say.” -Reddit user texanjumper
“Got a text from my ex the other day. Ex: “You can delete my number from your phone. I honestly don’t care anymore!” Me: “Who is this?” -Reddit user slenders_helper
“When I was calling about a crib that had been recalled for safety reasons. Customer service: “Is there anything wrong with the crib?” Me: “You mean other than the fact that it kills children?” Customer service: “We’ll get you a refund.” -Reddit user Snotaphilious
“My grandma: “You’re such a big baby.” Me: “I’m not the one wearing diapers!” -Reddit user electriccars
“My religious Grandma: “All these kids today with their long hair, men should keep their hair short.” Me: “Grandma, Jesus had long hair.” -Reddit user Cassabi88
“My friend in high school wore her own shorts on sports day because she thought the school ones were too short, and one day, her sports teacher got so angry he yelled: “Natalie take those shorts off right now!” and she looked at him square in the eye and goes: “Shouldn’t you wine me and dine me, first sir?” She got suspended, and it was great.” -Reddit user rexxiehevee
“I had a spoiled roommate who lacked social skills, so she would always pathetically brag about her possessions. Her parents bought her an iPad, and she asked, “Don’t you wish you had an iPad?” I asked, “Don’t you wish you had friends?” Definitely, one of the meanest things I’ve ever said, but it felt really good.” -Reddit user porksalaam
“Maybe if you ate some of your makeup, you’d be pretty on the inside.” Used this one on a diva who was giving a trainee cashier a really hard time. The entire lineup went speechless. Grabbed my takeout and left.” -Reddit user Agesilas
“Dad was angry because I kept trying to show him interesting facts he refused to believe because he “had never heard them before”. He said, “You know when I was your age, a certain group was trying to convince people Jesus was black!” I respond calmly, “Well, he certainly wasn’t white.” He was so mad he almost smacked me, he shut up, though.” -Reddit user (deleted)
“To a mean girl with a big nose who was making fun of someone: “I know it’s hard because it’s so big, but could you keep your nose out of everyone’s business?” -Reddit user (deleted)
“My oldest brother was bragging about how he was the best child, so I said, “Mom and Dad had two more kids after you. They stopped after me. Do the math.” He almost cried.” -Reddit user seabass321
“Angry cardmember: “You can take your card and shove it up your *ss!!!” Me (customer service rep): “I’m sorry, sir, only YOU are authorized to use your card.” -Reddit user christador
“Not proud of it, but as a kid (five-years-old-ish), I was complaining about not getting something I wanted and my dad, getting quite annoyed by this point, accused me of being a spoilt child. I replied, “Well, a child cannot spoil themselves, so it is your own fault if I am making you angry now.” What a little prick.” -Reddit user albot4000
“Wedding I attended this weekend. Friend: “Hey, tcElectric, want some ranch for your salad?” Me: “No thanks, never liked the stuff.” Friend: “You don’t like ranch? What kind of American are you?!” Me: “A thin one.” -Reddit user tcElectric
