If you spend at least 75% of your waking life in front of a computer, you probably know that Russia is the country equivalent of the quiet kid in 3rd grade who made a sculpture out of his own boogers. Today, we look at forty hilariously bizarre pictures that all but confirm Russia is the weirdest place on this planet.
Rockin’ Soccer Hockey.
Leave it to the Russians to combine a soccer ball with a hockey net and make it look absolutely rockin’! This is by far the weirdest picture we’ve ever seen come out of Russia… and that’s saying A LOT!
Russian Construction Workers?
We never considered working in construction, but if this is what it looks like in Russia, sign us up! How do you say “would you like some pickled herring” in Russian again?
Russia = Adidas.
Just to prove our point about Russia and Adidas, here’s a Russian guy making sure the STREETS also wear Adidas! Three stripes, baby, three stripes!
Stay Away From My Garbage!
You always thought that bears were scary, but in Russia, bears run in fear from Russians! This bear was caught rummaging through that Russian’s garbage… the results were not pretty.
We Need This In The US
America invented the atom bomb, Russian invented the bathtub scooter. While a little unorthodox, the genius behind this invention is evident. But we have an idea to improve this even further: a trunk at the back to keep your clothes in, so that you can get dressed after taking your relaxing bath… in traffic.
The Cure For Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
With all the time we spend on computers in this day and age, it’s no wonder so many people are suffering the debilitating effects of carpal tunnel syndrome. Now, there’s an easy solution! Your newborn baby is the perfect size and softness to cushion your wrist as you surf YouTube for Kanye’s latest video.
Bus Ride of Shame.
Who wants to trek over 3 miles during the walk of shame when you can just ride the bus? Spend that 3 ruble and take Russia’s bus ride of shame dressed in your one-night-stand’s bed sheets… with your friend.
Russian Cure For A Hangover.
Russia, though hands-on experience and in-depth scientific studies, has concluded that the best cure for a hangover is a bucket of caviar and a triple shot of vodka, first thing in the morning. You may substitute the vodka for Jack Daniel’s, but results may vary.
What Would Mother Mary Say?
This is just a weird picture, all around. We’re torn between what looks more appealing, that hot Russian peasant girl or the still-live chicken. Mother Mary in the background seems pretty sad to be witnessing this spectacle of strange.
Don’t Mess With Grandma.
There’s a reason that most Russians will get up on the bus (or subway) when an old grandma walks on… and it’s not as a sign of respect. It’s because grandma is armed to the teeth with an AK-47. She might not be able to see well, but she’s still a crack shot!
Fifty Shades of Russia.
We guess we now know who’s the submissive in THIS relationship. Not ones to shy away from public scrutiny, this S&M couple likes to flaunt their unorthodox relationship in front of everyone. Now, where’s that whip?
So Bling He Wears It!
This guy has so much money, he likes to wear it. Covered in thousands of rubles, this eligible bachelor hopes to impress the ladies with his purchasing power… unfortunately, his math skills leave something to be desired, as he’s covered with the equivalent of $1.21.
Famous Final Moments.
She was a lovely and sweet girl, but not the brightest of the bunch. She also loved animals… big animals… At least the bear got a full meal before he was hunted down and killed.
Beautiful Day At The Pool.
If there’s one thing that Russians know how to do well, it’s spend time at the pool. Beautiful communist-era concrete walls, Mars-red rusty ladder, glacially cold water (with floating blocks of ice)… Ahhh! Summer in Russia!
DIY Russia.
Well, this is one DIY fix WE wouldn’t have thought of… We’re actually kind of surprised that there are no sparks shooting out from the bottom of that truck… maybe it’s because the road is so wet.
Russia Loves Adidas.
It seems like everyone in Russia loves to wear Adidas clothes… and that includes the dogs. This dog, named Killer (but in Russian), would look very intimidating just by himself… but wearing Adidas clothing adds a certain level of intimidation rarely seen.
Comrade Grumpy Cat.
Taking a cue from the master, China, Russia has had its own love affair with copyright infringement. Say hello to Comrade Grumpy Cat. He might seem familiar, and there’s good reason for that. We’ll let you come to your own conclusion about where you’ve seen him before.
The Simpsonovs.
This is possibly the scariest thing we’ve ever seen. The baby is innocent, so we’ll leave it alone. The boy (Bart) looks nice enough, so he’s also off limits. “Homer” on the other hand, looks like a serial killer, while Marge has the hairiest legs we’ve ever seen!
Grocery List: Flowers, Tires, Bread…
And we thought we had convenience stores in America! Now THIS is convenience. When you can put flower, tires and bread on the same grocery list, you know you’re in heaven! It’s the absolute pinnacle of efficient shopping!
Dat Bike!
That’s what we like to see! Coat and a bikini bottom on a motorcycle. This Russian blonde, whom we assume is hot even though we can’t see her face, is getting ready to peel out.
I Might Need Help Getting Up.
After a long night of partying, Russian-style, this guy woke up to a surprise of explosive proportions! No one is sure how he got into this predicament, but we’re pretty certain it involved 6 cases of Smirnoff.
Get Your Own Moose!
This Russian guy is very protective of his baby moose. He should be! Moose are in high demand and are very hard to get! Have you ever tried getting yourself a moose? And a baby one, at that? Good luck!
Sponsored Wedding.
Woah! What a surprise! A Russian picture featuring Adidas? Who would have thought? It looks like Adidas has successfully penetrated THIS market, when even Russian wedding cakes feature the popular brand’s logo!
Russian Hotties.
We have to admit, there are some VERY hot women in Russia! Sure, they still speak Russian, but we can forgive them for that. It also looks like duck-face is alive and well in the former Soviet heartland.
Weather-Appropriate Clothing.
It’s always important to dress appropriately for the occasion. In Russia, that means wearing a bikini… anywhere… no matter what the weather. It’s very possible that Russians evolved in such a way that they don’t feel temperature.
The Russian Chun-Li.
If you’ve ever played Street Fighter II, you definitely remember Chun-Li. Here’s what Chun-Li would look like if she were Russian! We’d like to see her do that quick kick now.
Russian Blondes.
We’d like to apologize for this image which we assume is now burnt into your long term memory with no hope of ever fading… but we had to include it. This picture would give Freddy Krueger nightmares.
Sexy Photoshoot.
Looks like Playboy Russia might be having some financial difficulties. Their sexy spreads have taken a dive if “street corner runoff puddle” is the location of choice. At least the chick is still hot.
Russian Van Damme.
Sorry to hear about your gonads, dude, but that split looks fabulous. Van Damme would be proud! Speaking of Van Damme, learn a lesson from the “Muscles from Brussels” and lay off the coke.
Tank Garage.
It’s always nice to park your tank in a shaded spot, which is always so hard to find. After all, is there anyone who wants to come back to the tank after having a nice caviar lunch only to find it sweltering inside?
Russian Swan Special Forces.
We’re not sure what kind of mission required this Spetznaz special forces operative to use that incredibly life-like swan disguise, but we bet it had something to do with assassination. ALL Russian missions involve assassination.
Flexible.
Just a little more and this is going to turn into a great day! Here, the Russian Gymnastics team demonstrates why their Olympic dreams have a tendency of coming to fruition: perseverance and determination… Just a few more inches…
Show and Tell.
Here’s a GREAT way of getting an A in class! Combining a bit of defense instruction with a ton of fear, this Russian pupil is sure to pass the class with flying colors… or is that flying bullets?
Aaall Righty Then.
Is there anything scarier than a vampire? Yes, a Russian vampire! They’re simultaneously buff, feminine and can walk in the sun. We’re not sure why that other guy is smiling so much, but that’s almost as creepy as that blood sucking monstrosity.
Russian Shepherd.
You’ve heard of German Shepherds before, correct? This is the dog breed’s eastern cousin, the Russian Shepherd. You’ll notice many familiar things about the dog that resemble it’s Germanic version… snout, eyes, brown fur… but take a closer look, see the hat? That’s the most distinctive feature of Russian Shepherds.
Pigeon Guard.
“You new here?” asked the guard. The pigeon looked him dead in the eye with a serious look and replied, “I should ask you the same question since I’m the one guarding the President. In fact, let me see YOUR papers!”
Home Sweet Home.
It’s nice to come back home from a long day at the Russian office and cuddle up on your snow couch with your pet bear. Who knew Russians were such animal lovers?
Deer Man.
The “rockin’ soccer hockey” slide was strange enough, but now this?! Russia has outdone itself yet again! When we first saw this picture, we literally laughed out loud, and now that we see it again, here come the LOLz!
Starting Off Right.
Well, it’s good to see that Russian children are being taught all that’s important in life: booze, cigars and guns. All kidding aside, do NOT play this kid at Russian Roulette… the last 5 people who tried paid the price. Sure, he misses mom a lot, but he never forced her to play… that was HER decision.
Russian Ingenuity.
We don’t seem to celebrate Russian ingenuity in the west… but maybe we should… To prove our point, may we present exhibit A? It’s going to be hard to deny that the Russian might be onto something here.
Russian Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Not many Americans know this, but the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are a blatant ripoff of the Russian TV cartoon show, Russian Mutant Ninja Comrades. The 4 heroes of the Russian show (named Igor, Viktor, Dimitri and Vlad) spread the People’s will across the countryside… all while enjoying their favorite food, caviar.
Russian Bondage.
Russian like it kinky. We never knew that Russian sausage had so many uses, but it seems like it does. The girl looks like she’s enjoying herself… probably because she knows that after all the fun is done, she gets to have a nice meal.
Bring Only The Necessities.
This guy is heading out on foot on a road trip in Russia and it looks like he’s only bringing the necessities! He’s going to be able to keep warm no matter what the weather will be and since it’s Russia, that’ll be “icy cold.”
Commie Dog Says “Woofovich!”
You know you’re in trouble when Commie Dog shows up at your door. He’s probably looking for a bribe so that he doesn’t report you to the Kremlin as a possible security risk. You’d better comply… for the good of the People.
Beautiful Weather.
When the weather in Russia is beautiful, the snow hitting your face feels more refreshing than it does deadly. That’s the perfect time to take down the top on your convertible! Just remember to wipe away the icicles hanging from your nose every few minutes.
View At The Beach.
When out at the beach in Russia, there are many sights to behold. If you look inland, you’ll notice Olga, one of Russia’s competitive weight-lifters. Out on the water, you can see humpback whales or a Typhoon-class nuclear submarine… wait, what?!
Russian Candy.
Who says candy should be reserved for children… in Russia, they have candy filled with vodka! Wait, what’s that you’re saying? The vodka candy IS for children?! Lucky kids!
Russian Lumberjack.
In Russia, only wussies use an axe to cut down a tree. A real man will do so the old-fashioned way… like a beaver! Nibble away at that tree, Russkie, show us how manly you really are!
Baby In The Street.
If this picture was taken in America, we’d wager that the guy lost a bet and had to walk home dressed as a baby. But this was taken in Russia, so it’s more likely this was his warning for failing to pay Boris back that 10,000 Ruble he was lent (at 75% interest). Next time, he won’t be so lucky. Actually, next time he won’t even BE.
